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Government makes DAB Day a Bank Holiday



DAB Day - the day after Boxing Day - is to be made a bank holiday, the Government has announced.


'For decades British voters - er - people have struggled to articulate what they intend to do on December the 27th, mainly because by December the 26th they have completely and utterly lost track of what day of the week it is,' said a government spokesman. 'Good luck with this year, with Christmas straddling the weekend - I think,' he added.


Economists have calculated that making DAB Day a bank holiday will cost the economy the square root of f@ck all as shops will be open as usual regardless, Amazon will be delivering, and people who work in jobs that aren't covered by those two parts of retail won't be in a fit state to walk, let alone drive, to work anyway.


The Scottish Parliament has declared the concept of DAB Day to be ludicrous, but have declared DADAB Day - day after the day after Boxing day as a second new bank holiday only to be observed in Scotland anyway.




First published 18 Dec 2022


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Bribe replacement service to replace gravy train over Christmas shutdown


Due to essential maintenance payments needed over the festive season, British politicians are going to be unable to catch the gravy train.  Luckily the government has arranged for a bribe replacement service to be implemented so that the grift keeps on coming.


The replacement service is available to local and national level politicians of all political parties.  A government spokesman insisted that all bribes are eligible for Grift Aid, meaning that the taxpayer will chip in 25% extra to any bribes, subject to the briber paying enough tax in the first place, which come to think of it probably means the taxpayer is off the hook on that one.


image from pixabay

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