Society has been left surprised yet enthralled by the revelation that the cost of living crisis is now over.
'We realised that it's only a 'cost of living crisis' because that's what we call it,' said a spokesperson from PipeDream, another think tank no one has heard about until now, 'if we just, you know, stop calling it a cost of living crisis and say that's it's over, then everything will be better.'
'Obviously this news has surprised us, but we are overjoyed,' said a stunned one close aide to the Prime Minister, 'we began to check the numbers, and then realised that we don't need to check the numbers - we can just say it's not a crisis and everyone will just... forget? I can't believe we didn't think of this sooner.'
PipeDream went on to suggest the entire situation has been one big misunderstanding. 'We don't believe there was ever a crisis to begin with,' they said to a bewildered audience industry movers and shakers, 'Our research strongly indicates this crisis was due to a typo. It should have been a 'cost of living CRUISES', and we recommend that the government immediately partner-up with P&O to rectify this national grievance.'
However, not everyone has been convinced by this revelation. Steve, from 'the local back alley' stated, 'Errr, I'm not being funny, but I'm still homeless and I don't know where my next meal will come from. Still, it's nice to know there's no longer a national crisis - just a personal one. Can you spare any change?'
The aide continued, 'we have already opened applications for the inevitable demand for street parties that'll swarm the nation due to this fantastic news. I hear Waitrose has an excellent party platter, and now we can now all finally afford it. Rejoice!'
Story: Edward Bartholomew Tetanus Bag
Photo by Ben Hershey on Unsplash
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