Monopoly introduces Get out of Speeding Penalty Card

The Conservative versions of Monopoly, i.e. all of them, have a new set of Chancer and Anti-Community Chest Cards for use by Senior Cabinet Members. Some of the other variations are listed here:

Advance To Mayfair – Stay there free on expenses

Advance to Old Kent Road – Roll again to accelerate out of there with a Police Escort

Bank “Error” in your favour – Collect £200,000 and maybe help them out later

You Have Won Third Place in a General Election – Collect Photo ID from everyone

You have been assessed for Street repairs – A donor will sort this out for you

Speeding Fine – Apparently it is for some

All the Go Directly to Jail cards are replaced with Go Directly to The House of Lords.

Image: Pixabay/pcdazero

www.newsbiscuit.com

Lee Anderson broke 30p spending limit, refused to attend spending awareness course

Deputy Chairman of the Conservative Party, Lee Anderson, has expressed regret at exceeding the national spending limit of 30p in built-up areas.

The government department for Getting Senior Ministers Off, now the largest sector of the Civil Service, said, 'Mr Anderson should have known better, as it was he who imposed the 30p spending limit himself. He approached us about attending a specially organised one-to-one spending awareness course, but we were already overstretched getting the former Attorney General Suella Braverman off all the laws she has been breaking.'

Rishi Sunak has denied that he knew about Lee Anderson's transgression which took place last summer. He also denied keeping that nugget in his top pocket until such time as 30p Lee might undermine his position in an attempt to become Prime Minister himself, to then use it as a shot across his bows, or even as the reason to sack him from his senior position in that special way which can only be referred to as a resignation.

In an unrelated fiasco, Suella Braverman has claimed that she already knew everything there is to know about speed after a night out with Michael Gove.

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

www.newsbiscuit.com

Government department urges more Royal deaths

The Department for Culture, Media & Sport has pointed out that as the Queen's funeral went on for the best part of a fortnight and only cost £162m, it was far better value for money than any other entertainment provided by the nation's broadcasters.

It has urged other members of the Royal Family to consider how their deaths are part of their duty to the nation and when appropriately timed, help assuage the misery of modern life.

image from pixabay

www.newsbiscuit.com