It starts with the USA slamming Columbia up against the lockers and stealing their coffee and strutting off and seeing what Greenland has in their lunchbox. North Korea giggles and throws a drinks can which misses everything and lands in a pond.
Russia, still with a plaster over their nose from the fight with Ukraine, smiles whilst sitting menacingly in the corner. China looks around to see how everyone reacts and then throws something at Taiwan. The European Clique tuts, shakes their heads and goes back to their trading cards.
The UK still aimlessly wanders around trying to not cause a scene, complimenting China’s trainers, giving Ukraine a thumbs up and asking what game the rest of Europe is playing.
Poland looks at Finland and nods whilst excessively sharpening a pencil, waiting for any excuse to mess Russia up. Wonder how that story is going to pan out. They will still run with the ongoing middle east crisis shenanigans, Israel is still kicking a curled-up Palestine but at least that awful Syrian plot has taken a new direction.
The new version of the USA might not last a full season, but it has everyone’s interest whether they like the new character arc or not.
Photo by Mathias Reding on Unsplash
The White House had egg on its face today when it was announced that President Trump had bought British frozen food retailer Iceland, having confused it with the country of the same name.
'I guess I should have seen this coming,' said special adviser Hymie Braskowitz. 'He often says ‘Iceland’ when he means ‘Greenland.' I tried to correct him once, but he insisted they’re the same place, and ‘Iceland’ is just a nickname the inhabitants gave it ‘because it’s cold there.
'All the same, I was poleaxed when I came into the office this morning and found him grinning behind his desk, claiming he’d bought it. A few frantic phone calls later, I realised what he’d bought was some British frozen food chain.
'The problem is getting him to accept that. I know if I give him news he doesn’t like, by the end of the day I’ll be just another former Trump staffer with a book to sell. So for the moment at least, I’m just nodding and smiling, and the orange baboon thinks he owns a large island in the North Atlantic. Even if he’s not quite sure which one.'
Meanwhile senior management at the frozen food retailer are waiting anxiously to see what changes their new owner intends to make. Some of them have tentatively suggested producing a line of red baseball caps with the slogan “Make Iceland Bejam Again”.