US Military prepared for 'lush, verdant fields' of Greenland

US Secretary of Defence Pete Hegseth today assured Americans that the military was ready and equipped to capture the rolling green hills of Greenland.

'Our proud fighting men have been supplied with the latest in mobile attack units, perfect for dealing with all the tall grass and small patches of mud that Greenland’s terrain can throw at us.' a spokesman in sandals and aa Hawaiian shirt told gathering reporters.

'We have made sure troops will be able to deal with any hay fever or small cuts caused by the lush verdant hills by issuing plasters and antihistamines as standard.' He added.

Hegseth went on to describe the army’s standard issue cargo shorts and sunglasses for combating the beating sun on Greenland’s idyllic ranges.

When asked if there would be any considerations of protecting the invading force from extreme cold in the depth of winter, the spokesman replied, 'No, you’re thinking of Iceland. Clue's in the name.'

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