List of ‘Well-being’ scams doesn’t include Well-Being

In excess of £9bn is scammed each year by exploiting people’s mental health, but oddly this does not include getting a coffee enema while listening to Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina make the sound of whale song.

Said one conman: ‘I recently targeted a bereaved widow with a phishing scam, but she was instantly suspicious. That was until I offered her a deep tissue massage with a stress dog, then she gave me her bank details and front door key without batting an eyelid’.

Vulnerable adults will get naked in front of a stranger, just on the spurious offer of a face mask made from jojoba and panda poop. They will happily pay a fortune for any promise of meditation, provided it involves a dolphin cardio and yoga with a family of meerkats.

The Government warned: ‘If you are stressed about being scammed, then please ring our hot line, where you can listen to the sax solo from ‘Baker Street’ and order a scented candle shaped like Greta Thunberg’.

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Thatcher posthumously awarded 'inadvertent eco-warrior '85'

PR genius Boris Johnson has revealed that Margaret Thatcher was in fact a trailblazing eco-warrior - a fact even she was entirely unaware of.

Channelling the climate crisis unfolding a mere 25 years later, tree-hugging nature-enthusiast Margaret Thatcher began a Greta Thunberg-esque eco-campaign all the way back in the mid-eighties. Whilst some suggested she had cruelly devistated communities with her brutal decision to close coal mines, they were entirely unaware that she actually posessed incredible psychic powers. Against all the odds, she knew this 'eco-nonsense' would catch on in the future and relatively normal people would be into it, not just those eco-vegan weirdos that were around in the eighties.

Due to Boris' incarceration in the Bullingdon Club throughout the eighties, paired with his complete refusal to associate with the lower classes, he does not remember the fallout first hand.

Some have suggested Boris is 'completely out of touch' with the old mining communities and 'doesn't have any idea' what they went through. Boris vehemently disagrees, believing himself to be 'just like a real-life miner' due to his relentless ability to dig himself big holes and accumulate a lot of dirt on himself.