In excess of £9bn is scammed each year by exploiting people’s mental health, but oddly this does not include getting a coffee enema while listening to Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina make the sound of whale song.
Said one conman: ‘I recently targeted a bereaved widow with a phishing scam, but she was instantly suspicious. That was until I offered her a deep tissue massage with a stress dog, then she gave me her bank details and front door key without batting an eyelid’.
Vulnerable adults will get naked in front of a stranger, just on the spurious offer of a face mask made from jojoba and panda poop. They will happily pay a fortune for any promise of meditation, provided it involves a dolphin cardio and yoga with a family of meerkats.
The Government warned: ‘If you are stressed about being scammed, then please ring our hot line, where you can listen to the sax solo from ‘Baker Street’ and order a scented candle shaped like Greta Thunberg’.
The day it arrived, I was eager to try it on. It looked pretty fancy, with shiny stones and some metallic sheen. Day one, day two, day seven... I felt... absolutely no different. It was around this time that my roommate, an aspiring science major, pointed out the obvious: "Dude, you've been scammed." She showed me an article about pseudo-science and the psychology of falling for 'well-being' scams. Talk about a reality check!
Fast forward, I learned that genuine well-being doesn't come from shiny objects or hefty price tags. It comes from self-awareness, genuine connections, and sometimes, a bit of skepticism. Protect your rights paulmankin.