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BBC admits to losing some news


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A BBC spokesman has admitted that some news items may have become 'lost'. 'We had them, on a piece of paper on a desk somewhere, but we just can't find them,' he said.


The spokesman said that he recalled something about a conservative peer allegedly siphoning off a shed load of money for procuring inadequate PPE, something else about a VIP lane company run by a conservative donor being paid to procure a shed load of inadequate PPE and then being paid to incinerate it. He also had a recollection that a senior conservative MP who had held and continues to hold senior positions in the government who had denied owing HMRC lots of money last summer and then, after a successful investigation by HMRC, deciding to pay an eye watering amount of unpaid taxes that historically have been accompanied with a jail sentence.


'We do have a lot of news about the weather, so we've filled the front page with news about snow in case nobody noticed; and there's still lots of news about Harry and Meghan. And the unions blackmailing the country. Buggered if I know where the other news went, though,' he said, uploading another photo of a town covered in a dusting of snow.




Amazon sheds 18,000 HMRC jobs


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Thousands of shocked HMRC staff received P45s from Amazon today and have been told to clear their desks. Presumably onto a neighbouring one. A slightly less bonkers CEO of Amazon said the difficult decision was easily made in an effort to keep costs down.


He told reporters:


'HMRC is no longer fit for purpose. The new Amazon-HMRC will be much smaller and therefore more efficient. We are offering affected staff a comprehensive severance package which amounts to an oversized cardboard box to empty their personal belongings into.


'We have also updated the Amazon-HMRC logo. The arrow underneath which suggested a smile, will be a bit frownier. And that arrow, which also went from the A of Amazon to the Z, will now represent the phrase "From A to Zee, avoiding Tee".'

Chancellor: If only I was able to change the tax laws




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Permanent US resident Rishi Sunak waved his green card in everyones faces and explained how his wife had avoided millions in tax. This was due to her non-dom status and her proximity to his side of the duvet: 'It's very simple - it's not a scam. We're rich. Filthy rich, to be precise. That means laws exist to keep us rich. Laws you all voted for, I might add. Look, I don't make the rules. HMRC does - and they work for me.'



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