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BBC admits to losing some news



A BBC spokesman has admitted that some news items may have become 'lost'. 'We had them, on a piece of paper on a desk somewhere, but we just can't find them,' he said.


The spokesman said that he recalled something about a conservative peer allegedly siphoning off a shed load of money for procuring inadequate PPE, something else about a VIP lane company run by a conservative donor being paid to procure a shed load of inadequate PPE and then being paid to incinerate it. He also had a recollection that a senior conservative MP who had held and continues to hold senior positions in the government who had denied owing HMRC lots of money last summer and then, after a successful investigation by HMRC, deciding to pay an eye watering amount of unpaid taxes that historically have been accompanied with a jail sentence.


'We do have a lot of news about the weather, so we've filled the front page with news about snow in case nobody noticed; and there's still lots of news about Harry and Meghan. And the unions blackmailing the country. Buggered if I know where the other news went, though,' he said, uploading another photo of a town covered in a dusting of snow.




Amazon sheds 18,000 HMRC jobs



Thousands of shocked HMRC staff received P45s from Amazon today and have been told to clear their desks. Presumably onto a neighbouring one. A slightly less bonkers CEO of Amazon said the difficult decision was easily made in an effort to keep costs down.


He told reporters:


'HMRC is no longer fit for purpose. The new Amazon-HMRC will be much smaller and therefore more efficient. We are offering affected staff a comprehensive severance package which amounts to an oversized cardboard box to empty their personal belongings into.


'We have also updated the Amazon-HMRC logo. The arrow underneath which suggested a smile, will be a bit frownier. And that arrow, which also went from the A of Amazon to the Z, will now represent the phrase "From A to Zee, avoiding Tee".'

Chancellor: If only I was able to change the tax laws




Permanent US resident Rishi Sunak waved his green card in everyones faces and explained how his wife had avoided millions in tax. This was due to her non-dom status and her proximity to his side of the duvet: 'It's very simple - it's not a scam. We're rich. Filthy rich, to be precise. That means laws exist to keep us rich. Laws you all voted for, I might add. Look, I don't make the rules. HMRC does - and they work for me.'



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