Just when you thought this summer holiday could not get any longer, it turns out there is still a week of unrelenting madness left. Parents up and down the land are reaching for the prozac and the adoption papers. We are now down to the last shreds of dignity and the start of a potential murder hunt.
'I love my children, just not enough to actually spend any time with them,' explained one twitching father. 'I'd booked myself a nice, relaxing holiday and then these little f$ckers just turned up. What next? I have to feed them?'
Ironically children are lamenting their last week of freedom, with many aware this is their last chance to wear the same pair of socks six weeks in a row. Said one kid. 'It's the best time of your life, if you ignore all the crying adults.'