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TUI or not TUI? That is the question

Writer: sketchly
sketchly
Oct 11

People are accusing travel group TUI of false advertising. Holiday makers who booked a river cruise on the Danube ended up on a replacement bus trip because the cruise ships couldn't navigate the Danube because the water level was too low. Many irritated customers are noticing that, on their return, TUI is still advertising the non-existent river cruise holiday.


When we put the question to TUI we were told that customers will not get refunds and that TUI is not guilty of false advertising.


‘The Danube river cruise holiday is a part of TUI’s new “It’s Not Our Fault” package,’ explained TUI spokesman James Wabbas. ‘We advertise these experiences and have every intention of delivering on them. But TUI can not be held legally responsible for acts of nature. In other words, it’s not our fault. TUI did not drain the water from the Danube, so we can’t be held responsible for the changes to the Danube river cruise holiday. 


‘In the same way, we can’t be held responsible for the adjustment to our Sahara cruise. You see, around 8,000 years ago, the Sahara was indeed under water, and we offer people the chance to cruise around it. Now obviously it isn’t like that any more, but that’s not our fault. We do provide the replacement camel service, which is better because they are the ships of the desert, so, technically, our customers are still getting their cruise. The point is, if these people are unhappy, then they should consider suing Nature.


’Other experiences available as part of TUI’s “It’s Not Our Fault” package holidays include the chance to see the Pyramids being built, watch the English navy fend off the Spanish Armada, or even ask a Druid what Stonehenge is really all about.


Just keep in mind that TUI can not and will not be held responsible if you are hundreds or even thousands of years too late for the advertised events.



Image credit: Wix AI



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Holidaymakers facing choice between metaphorical frying pan and literal fire

Writer: stewartbarclay
stewartbarclay
Aug 2

With Mediterranean countries mostly ablaze, boozed up Brits abroad have been making the best of it


'I know the locals have lost their homes and possessions to an all-consuming apocalyptic wall of flame' droned one 'but where is my roast beef with all the trimmings? I’m on holiday in Spain so I want Yorkshire pudding, but all I can see is charcoal and despair. I’m sweating buckets here and I can’t even find a Fab lolly to cool me down.'


Other Brits have opted to vacation in the UK, only to find blazing infernos here too, even in Scotland and Wales – previously considered too damp to ever burn.


Another boozed up Brit abroad shouted ‘Good job that Climate Change turned out to be a hoax eh? We wouldn’t want shareholders' dividends to be falling as fast as the trees in that forest would we?’



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Children already ‘bored’ in 2nd week of school holiday

Writer: Scribbles
Scribbles
Jul 30

Just two weeks after schools broke up for the 6-week summer holiday, children across the UK have officially announced that they are ‘bored’.


“I’ve finished Netflix,” reported 12-year-old Alfie Thompson, slumped dramatically across a sofa, his thumbs still twitching from residual Fortnite reflexes. “Mum told me to go outside, but like… to do what? Look at grass?”

Parents across the nation are experiencing déjà vu, and are recalling their own childhood holidays filled with similar levels of existential despair—though notably with fewer devices and more aimless stick-finding.


“It’s uncanny,” said Claire Jenkins, mother of two and veteran of the ‘I’m Bored’ crisis of last summer. “I presented them with a paddling pool, a football, and even suggested visiting Grandma. They said, and I quote, ‘Is she on TikTok?’”


The UK government has issued no official response, but insiders suggest Downing Street may propose emergency boredom relief measures, such as a ‘National Go and Play in the Garden Day’ - an initiative sure to be ignored by 96% of children in favour of ‘just one more YouTube video.’


Meanwhile, grandparents nationwide are preparing to unleash their secret weapon: tales of how they ‘made their own fun’ with only a ball of string and an overactive imagination, a strategy known to have a 0.2% success rate in 2025.


As the crisis deepens, experts warn that by week 3, the nation’s children may reach ‘Peak Boredom’, characterised by spontaneous living room parkour, and repeatedly whining, “Can we go to McDonald’s?”

Meanwhile, the nation’s parents sigh deeply, and add extra alcohol to their online grocery order.


image from pixabay


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First published 30 Jul 2025


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