Jason Statham Kicks Own Arse

Another celebrity guest on Joe Rogan has inadvertently courted mockery when, in a fit of excitement, action star Jason Statham beat himself to a pulp live on air.

He was on the show to promote his latest action movie, "Death Pigeon," when Rogan joked that there was no one tougher than him. A visibly excited Jason responded by saying, "Watch this!" and proceeded to throw chairs on himself and hurl himself down a set of nearby stairs.

A female studio assistant attempted to prevent the violence escalating, but was repelled by the testosterone fumes.

After the brutal self-assault, Statham was left barely conscious and drifting in and out of an American accent.

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Actor shocked as sinkhole appears outside house

Hollywood actor Nicolas Cage was said to be in 'shock' after a sinkhole appeared on his driveway in Southern California.

The sinkhole, which is estimated to be 30 feet by 30 feet, has already shown a much greater depth than Mr Cage's acting in his recent movie roles.

The driveway, which was Gone in 60 Seconds, has left his house a bit of a Great Isle that is Between Worlds and meant that the actor will need to use his Longlegs to leave the property.  As it would be Inconceivable of him to be Left Behind, he will use his Rage to Get Justice, Knowing that he can go to his Red Rock West property in the City of Angels.

When asked for a comment, Mr Cage replied: 'This is not a Dream Scenario but fortunately does not affect The Retirement Plan. However, this is a timely reminder that It Could Happen to You, so listen to The Weather Man and Next, check your own property The Old Way.'

photo: Newsbiscuit Archive

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Film budget blown by lack of full moon

A potential blockbuster film has had to reshoot multiple, high cost scenes because the director failed to notice the moon was waxing.  Or waning, whatever.  The scenes were 'ruined' because it is a Hollywood requirement that night shots only occur when there is a full moon.

'How are film audiences supposed to understand what a crescent moon means?' asked a Hollywood expert.  'Is it some kind of Marxist subtext? Is it even night?'.

'The fight scene has cost the most to remake - getting thirty thugs to take on the hero one at a time before he walks away from a huge explosion without looking back that obliterates all other light sources, including the moon - oh, bugger,' said the director today.

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