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House of Commons Library to start stocking "top shelf" publications



Further to the news that Parliament has refused to disclose how many porn sites were blocked on Parliamentary work computers, the House of Commons library has revealed it has started stocking "top shelf" publications.


The official line is that the two decisions are unconnected, but one source within the library said that's it's hoped, with the introduction of these hardcopy "specialized" titles, the number of visits to porn sites on the Parliamentary Estate will reduce, even if visits to the toilets increase.


It's a move that, unlike the recent "decolonising" or rather "diversifying" of the library's collection, has been welcomed by many MPs, the majority of them Tory, as the publications are resolutely British in flavour; or as one red faced MP put it, 'the collection leans towards extolling the virtues of the hard working housewives of Britain'.


When asked if the House of Lords library would be following suit a spokesperson for the Lords said they were minded to avoid any additional excitement for their older Members, but reports that the Lords library has processed more online subscriptions to Farmers Weekly; a title that has become inexplicably popular recently.


Author: wileyp

image from pixabay

Tory MP told he cannot take sombrero into Commons


The Speaker of the House of Commons has told a Conservative MP he cannot take his sombrero into the House during late night sittings.


The MP was spotted trying to smuggle a large hat into the chambers late on Friday night. Although there are no actual rules forbidding the wearing of hats in the Commons, the Speaker said MPs should dress in a business-like manner and a sombrero was not considered appropriate attire for the occasion.


When asked why he wanted to take a sombrero into the Commons, the MP said it was a personal matter and he was not at liberty to divulge his reasons. But it definitely was not to hide erections.


Then, in a classic Conservative u-turn, the MP did let slip that he had been told by a fellow Tory MP that if he was thinking about getting a head in the Commons, he should seriously think about getting a hat.


'It was something along those lines... although to be fair he was wearing a ball-gag at the time'.



Image from Pixabay by fotshot


MP accused of making porn during PMQs


Following the scandal of MPs downloading illicit material, it now transpires that one Minister may have been using the Prime Minister and Sir Keir Starmer as unwitting props.


Confessed the MP: ‘I just started uploading clips of their exchange, with provocative titles. It started with ‘Big Boy Boris gets a spanking’ and ended up with ‘Nation gets shafted’. With Boris and Keir, I couldn’t think of a larger pair of c$nts’


Image from Pixabay by StockSnap


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