Is Donald Trump a Douglas Adams fan?

After a spectacularly insulting interview in the Oval Office with Ukraine’s President Zelenskyy in February, and a re-run this week with South Africa’s President Cyril Ramaphosa, journalists have noticed a similarity with a famous Douglas Adams character.

While Donald Trump might share some characteristics with the fictional Galactic President Zaphod Beeblebrox – he has the completely overinflated self-image, for example – he is currently being compared with a character called Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged.

Wowbagger’s quest in the fifth Hitchhiker’s Guide book was to insult everyone in the universe in alphabetical order.  As Donald Trump is not yet immortal, he will have to limit himself to maximising the people he can insult in two or three or four terms as US President. 

It is unclear if Donald is attempting to insult people in alphabetical order or not. One faction believes that he is not. The other faction believes that he has amended the alphabet by Executive Order so that it starts with Z, followed by R, and then some other letters, to be sorted out later.

As Douglas Adams states, ‘Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged...was a man with a purpose. Not a very good purpose, as he would have been the first to admit, but it was at least a purpose, and it did keep him on the move.’ This resonates with Donald Trump watchers, who are concerned that his purpose in life is also not very good.

Insiders are therefore wondering is the US President is on a self-appointed mission to insult all of the world’s leaders.  And they are nervously awaiting the US-Chinah! Summit where Donald Trump will meet President Eleven, sorry, President Xi.  Because X comes directly after R, doesn’t it?  Fact!! As easy as ZXR, right?

Some of those Sesame Street shows will need a little editing...

Hat-tip SirLupus

Image: Pixabay/TheDigitalArtist

Virgin Island candidates ‘Not sacrificial lambs, honest’ say C4

The candidates on Virgin Island – adults so introverted that they’ve made it well into adulthood without popping their cherries – have been told that after their televised deflowering they must take an exam without studying for it, queue in Tesco in their underwear and then run away from a predator through a viscous material so they can only run really slowly.

It’s all part of Channel 4’s Real Nightmares season, which aims to destroy the lives of ordinary people to help with the station’s mission of ‘increasing customer figures for dodgy online casinos’.

‘We’re proud of our work at Channel 4’, a spokesman told us. ‘We’ve always tested the boundaries. Currently we’re seeing how far we can go before the UN declares it an atrocity. It’s surely only a matter of time’.

In fairness, Channel 4’s lawyers vetoed falling from a great height and shark attack, though we suspect that’s more a question of ‘when’, not ‘if’.

Image: Pixabay/renateko

Posh girl encounters something that isn’t “amazing”

Posh girl Chlamydia Buttercup-Sponge has astonished her peers by encountering something she didn’t describe as “amazing”.

”I was waitressing in organic vegetarian café The Rapturous Bean in Clapton,” explained the glossy-haired Sloane. “It’s not really a job job, just helping out a mate who owns the café while I decide what I really want to do. Which obviously will be a few years as an estate agent before I marry someone who works in the City, move to the Home Counties and have lots of kids and dogs.

”Anyway, this guy ordered some food, and without thinking I just said ‘Great’ and walked off to give his order to the kitchen. It was only later I realised what I’d done.”

”I was frankly astonished,” said disgruntled diner Jeremy Cockapoo. “I ordered the shakshuka with harissa and smashed avo and a goji berry smoothie, just like everyone else. Why wasn’t my order ‘amazing’ too?”

Image: Pixabay/luckylife11