Robinson Crusoe scraps plan for Friday to wait 15 years to be allowed into the compound

As long as Friday wears European clothing, learns to speak English, and adopts Christianity, he will be eligible sleep indoors at night. However, the castaway still demands that Friday call him "Master" and refuses to share his own real name. 

Crusoe says the policy was "guided above all by fairness", yet he still assumes a position of superiority, treating Friday as a subordinate rather than an equal social companion, despite Friday's intense loyalty and gratitude.

Anyone else arriving by small boat will have to wait 20 years for settlement, with a further 10 years for those who have not built canoes, cleared land, planted crops. Robinson insists this policy is called 'Indefinite Leave to

Remain', just because the 'Remain' gets up Nigel Farage's nose as he claims that's not what he voted for.

Photo by Meritt Thomas on Unsplash

Farage: "I warned you about migrant tigers"

"I've said all along," said Nigel Farage, stroking his British Blue moggy, Rothmans, "that if you start letting asylum-seeking Amur tigers land in small boats on our shores and lay on zoo enclosures for them, sooner or later they'll attack the host population.

"And I've been warning for years about how the Yorkshire zoo where all this happened has been getting entirely overrun with foreign species: kookaburras, tapirs, yaks and God knows what else.

"We should cut off welfare payments to the lot of them and ship them back to whatever jungles they crawled out of, at their own expense.

"Whoever thought Britain would benefit from giving houseroom to some treacherous, stripey Asian predator? We've got our own treacherous predators - like stoats and weasels - which are much more my scene."

image by Grok

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