Tories propose new "sap tax" to fund inheritance tax cut

"The big thing about Kemi is that she really thinks through her genius policy decisions," lied a spokes-Pinnochio for the Conservative Party.

"So we wondered on her behalf how we would make up the revenue lost in removing inheritance tax on homes and we came up with a revolutionary new 'sap tax'.

"This is a tax levied specifically on kind-hearted saps who do things like tip cabbies, hand wallets full of money into the police and fill out tax return forms without inventing a whole load of deductible expenses. Tax collectors would go out and about, collecting information on likely marks.

"The great thing about a sap tax is that the people we're targeting are exactly the type of sheeple who'd pay a new tax without a bleat," said the Tory Party spokes-shearer. "The average Tory, of course, wouldn't be in the frame for it at all."

image from pixabay

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Lords seek assurances assisted dying won’t apply to them

As the House of Commons once again debates assisted dying, the Lords, which rejected the bill last time around, is seeking assurances they won’t be affected.

'It’s a question of who it applies to,' said Lord Bufton of Tufton. 'When I look at these criteria - less than six months to live, unable to live independently without constant care, unable to give informed consent - almost everyone in this chamber seems to qualify.

'I’m afraid if you want our support, we’re going to need assurances that the law won’t apply to posh people as it does to everyone else. Which is standard practice, after all.'

At this point, a number of his colleagues suddenly woke up as they thought he’d said something about hunting, shooting, fishing or inheritance tax exemptions, but quickly fell asleep again.

Image: Lords debates Russia / Ukraine - UK Parliament

To test British empathy, mention Inheritance Tax

Despite only five percent of estates liable for any Inheritance Tax, with the first £1 million completely tax free and often with another large tax free chunk with careful planning any mention just of the tax, let alone increasing it for a small subset of those in scope, results in outrage from people who are never, ever going to pay IHT in a month of lifetimes.

For people to howl at the injustice for those about to inherit multi-millions even though they will probably struggle to survive the rest of their own miserable existence is a demonstration of British empathy. Forget children starving, youngsters saddled with renting forever but rail against a tax only applicable to a minority.

'In reality fewer than 0.05% of the population has an estate subject to IHT in any year,' said a financial spokesman today, noting that scrapping IHT would need other taxes being increased. 'To be fair, the government has tried increasing taxes on families and taking benefits off the elderly so it's a possibility,' he said.

Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash