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Netanyahu claims aid trucks to Gaza are parking antisemitically


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The Israeli Donald Trump, Benjamin Netanyahu, has been accused of prank calling the 'How's My Driving?' number stuck on the back of lorries that are delivering humanitarian aid to Gaza.

As the phone rang yet again in her office, temp Amy Armstrong sighed and rolled her eyes 'Hello again Mr Netanyahu... No, I don't think those four lorries are deliberately forming the shape of a Swastika... we'd actually rather you didn't rain down the wrath of Abraham on our vehicles... well the lorries' sat navs are saying "from the river to the sea" because they’re having to rely on natural landmarks... well that's because you’ve bombed all the addresses in Gaza off Google Maps... Yes, well that is a lot of plagues isn't it... Alright then, well enjoy the humanitarian pause for reloading.'

Armstrong made herself a tea, before adding 'It makes a change from calls about tailgating on the M6.'


image from pixabay



First published 27 Nov 2023


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What do you mean, you’ve had enough of the horrendous, sickening news?



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'And as the conflict in Israel and Gaza enters its fourth week, we now bring you pictures of the carnage caused by an Israeli airstrike. And we can tell you that they're even more distressing than anything we’ve shown you before...


'Why are you turning off your television?


'Good, we’ve got you on the radio. These are the sounds from inside a hospital in Gaza City of grief-stricken mothers and fathers, wailing pitifully…


'Why are you hitting your radio with an axe? That’s not going to stop the war, is it?


'I see you’ve locked yourselves in the bathroom and are watching a video of an adorable puppy chasing its tail. We’re going to interrupt that to play you interviews with a Hamas leader and an Israeli politician, in which both try to justify slaughtering thousands of innocent civilians…


'No, don’t throw your device down the toilet. We forbid you to do that!


'And don’t light a bonfire with those newspapers before you've read them. Don’t you know how much trouble we take to bring all the horrifying details of this war right to your doorstep?


'We’ll stop at nothing, you know. We’ll hire town criers to shout this stuff at you in the streets.


'That's because reporting this atrocious conflict has made us all clinically depressed, so we’re damned well going to make sure that all of you are clinically depressed, as well.'




First published 30 Oct 2023


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Israel claims they and Hamas 'were on a break'

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With strikes and gunshots again heard in all across Palestine again, an Israeli spokesperson has claimed today that they and Hamas, 'were on a break.'


 'It’s all fine, we were on a break,' said Ben Bronten, an IDF official. 'We took some time out to see if we were over it all, and clearly we’re not. We both still have a lot of pent-up emotion, and that is going to come up in unexpected gunfire and missile strikes sometimes.”


He went on to point out that sometimes truces were fragile and the opposites sides would have the occasional flare-up.


'Look, sometimes passions lead to the re-blockading of aid; multiple rocket strikes on seemingly non-miltary targets; and a teensy-weensy bit of quasi invading. It’s perfectly natural. We’ll all be holding hands by November. As long as Hamas keeps their wandering eyes off those Hezbollah floozies.'



Picture credit: perchance.org

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