MPs to be required to ‘sign in’ once a fortnight like dole claimants

Empty benches in the House of Commons and a new game called ‘Where’s Boris?’ have led to calls for MPs to be required to prove that they are ‘available for government’ every two weeks.

'I know it’s a shitshow', said a spokesman 'and you might think we’re better off without people like Boris Johnson and Liz Truss, but they’re being paid 84 grand just to turn up and snooze. It’s only 30 weeks a year for Christ’s sake, even schoolkids have to put in more time'.

Jacob Rees-Mogg was unavailable for comment - which is odd, considering his obsession with getting civil servants back to the office.

Westminster staff have defended the move, pointing out that ‘in a little over a year quite a few current MPs will find themselves actually unemployed. They should treat this as a dummy run, given that many of them are literally unemployable’.

image from pixabay

Tory right torn between destroying economy and making people miserable

The right wing of the Tory party is arguing about the next "big idea" for the country. Jacob Rees-Mogg has proposed raising the retirement age to 97, legalising work for the under 3s and reopening coal mines, "not for the coal, but for the LOLZ".

Lord Frost disagrees with Mogg's idea. "It's been claimed that my last wheeze is costing the country £100bn a year, but I think we can do better than that. If we make retirement age below the school leaving age, then the entire country grinds to a halt in a year and I think we can make that per week. Now, that would be an achievement."

John Redwood has proposed a zero rate income tax combined with a maximum wage "for plebs" of £0 per hour, with a 10% bonus for weekends.

www.newsbiscuit.com

image from pixabay

Get a proper job!