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A popular event in the Wetherspoons weekly calendar that was curtailed before the 2019 election was the Monday Club. It had originally been devised as a way of cheering up piss artists who were dismayed by the fact that Brexit had at at some point been touch and go; and get enjoy cheap booze in Tim Martin's company, with the occasional accompaniment of other piss artists like Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson puking on the carpets to prove they were men of the people too.


However in 2019, a political advisor asked "Do you know what the Monday Club was about in Conservative Party history?" and advised that although it was the way the party was heading back to, it would be unwise to remind people.


So in 2019, Wetherspoons dropped the Monday Club from its weekly attractions, but it didn't stop MPs like Richard Drax and Jacob Rees Mogg turning up on Mondays in the hope of sharing discussions about where Hitler went wrong.


It is alleged that Reform Uk has promised Tim Martin free adverting on GB News for a relaunch of the Monday Club, with videos of notable Monday Club members' speeches from yesteryear as entertainment.

Our entertainment correspondent said he is looking forward to the opportunity of watching these old videos, as it can't be worse that having to watch GB News at home to report the bollocks back to Newbiscuit, but he's a bit anxious about if he make it as far as wherever the loo is in Wetherspoons, or if he will need to piss on the carpet with the likes of the riff-raff, such as Drax and Rees Mogg.




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A politician with less loyalty to Britain than a queen-fibbing Rees-Mogg has falsely whipped himself up into such a fury that he has exceeded "Vivid Vexation".


Director of Faux Outrage Management at the Institute of Irritation, Andrew Suddenly, confirmed, 'Our sensitive instrumentation recorded several pre-shocks. We knew it was going to be a big blow, so we braced ourselves. But what came next surpassed all previous levels of tetchiness.


'The needle flew past Wretched Wrath, and topped out at Raging Boner. Our expertly designed Anderson Angry Scale has never seen the likes of this before. It may need Reform.'


'If someone tells this moron that his glorious English flag is actually pinched from a Turk, then we'll have to invent a whole new level of cross.'


Image: Newsbiscuit

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