FIFA has dismissed suggestions that Gianni Infantino is transforming into a Bond villain after he was photographed at a summit alongside The Hood from Thunderbirds, Dr Evil and Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Concerns were first raised after Infantino unveiled FIFA’s plans for the 2034 World Cup while stroking a white Persian cat and explaining that matches would be staged “wherever pleases me”.
The Hood reportedly welcomed the announcement before using his hypnotic powers to persuade delegates that a 48-team World Cup was “actually quite a simple format”. He later proposed Tracy Island as the venue for the 2038 tournament, pointing out that it already had excellent transport links if you happened to own a supersonic aircraft, a rocket or a submarine.
FIFA officials described the bid as “considerably more practical than several we have accepted”. Dr Evil was reported to have submitted a rival bid to host the 2042 World Cup on the moon for “ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS”. Infantino described the proposal as “very interesting”.
Blofeld, meanwhile, is understood to have questioned FIFA’s governance arrangements. “Even SPECTRE has an ethics committee,” he said. The meeting concluded with Infantino pressing a large red button beneath his desk. FIFA insists the subsequent disappearance of the Norwegian Football Association was entirely coincidental. International Rescue was called, but declined to intervene after discovering that FIFA wanted £4,000 for a rescue package, plus hospitality.
Asked whether world football was now effectively controlled by a tiny group of sinister bald men sitting in an underground lair, Infantino laughed for several minutes before replying: “Football unites the world. Would you like to invest in some FIFA bonds?”
Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here.
