Journalists “still have no idea” what will be in budget

In a fresh wave of frenzied speculation, journalists announced today that they still have no idea what will be in Rachel Reeves’ budget next week.  

'It’s actually quite annoying,' said Quentin Hack of the Daily Heil. 'The government, as always, haven’t said in advance what they’re going to do. But somehow my editor expects frequent ‘updates’ on something that was a complete non-story in the first place.

'So let’s see… obviously public services need more money… but is an already unpopular government really going to raise taxes? Probably not… so, yeah, no idea what’s going to happen. Pretty much like Rachel Reeves herself, I suspect.'

Hack then asked if he could be moved off political news to showbiz, at which point he was immediately asked to speculate, without any information at all, about who’ll be the next actor to play Bond.