Following the death of Rod Liddle the Sunday Times is seeking to hire a new “bloke down the pub” or “golf club bore” type to write a column every week.
Inviting candidates to submit a sample article, the ad suggests people think of 1,000 words that might comfortably sit between “I was talking to this bloke down the pub, and he reckons” and “Spose you can’t say that any more”. Points will be deducted for citing any evidence beyond your gut feeling on the issue, attacking anyone with the power to fight back, referring to Muslims as anything other than “Muslamics”, or saying “I’m not racist/sexist” without instantly proving that you are.
Reports suggest the job was initially offered to comedian Al Murray, who patiently explained “No, the pub landlord’s a character, I’m actually very intelligent.”
Liddle’s family have declined to talk about his death, though one insider has suggested he was so ecstatic over the news a black Cambridge professor turned out to be a fraud that he didn’t even make it to his word processor before expiring with a look of serene happiness on his face.
However, the paper said that the official verdict that Liddle died of Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disorder should in no way discourage candidates from writing that the smoking ban in pubs is “a gross infringement of a free-born Englishman’s civil liberties”, people who are against smoking are just “puritans and killjoys” and that you might get hit by a bus tomorrow anyway.
“It’s what he would have wanted.”
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