Katie Clemson (37) has voiced concern about being stalked by a large collection of masked dancers wearing togas. 'I admit I've made one or two dubious life decisions, but does it really warrant twenty eight stanzas on why I should grow my fringe back?'
The Chorus appeared shortly after Katie had made her New Year's resolutions: 'They'd make all these snide comments about how I'd never finish dry January or fit back into my skinny jeans. They trashed talked my job, my love life, then even tutted everytime I forgot to take out the bins.'
Katie was adamant she had nothing to apologise for and she refused to get drawn into the Chorus' criticism of her choice of curtains. 'Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a mother to murder and a father to marry.'
Image: RobinHiggins | Pixabay
Harry Redmond (36) insisted that January would be the smelliest of all months, with not a drop touching lips or any other part of his body. His aim is to detox all the harmful soap particles from his body.
'I just feel healthier wrapped in an extra layer of dirt. And I tend to find I get alot more space to myself, particularly downwind.
'No one speaks about the dangers of bathing in the winter months. 50% of hospital admissions are down to people slipping on the soap.'
Asked he minded the smell, Harry replied: 'Not at all, I'm too drunk to notice.'
photo: https://pixabay.com/users/tookapic-1386459/