It was revealed today that members of the American government have been running a deadpool about when Ghislaine Maxwell will commit suicide.
“I mean, why wouldn’t she?” said Tommy Douche of the State Department. ”Someone used to such a luxurious, glamorous lifestyle facing decades on Riker’s Island, and being a total pariah if she ever gets out? It’s a no-brainer.”
“My money was on the first three weeks,” said Dave Grunt of Homeland Security. “I don’t know why they… I mean, she’s taking so long.”
Asked what he meant by that slip, Grunt paused before eventually saying “Well, you know how with a black hole there’s a line called the event horizon, and if you go beyond that you don’t have a chance? That’s basically where she is now.”
It’s thought the pool is open to all branches of the government, except of course the FBI since they’ll be the ones arranging the suicide.
“God knows why, though,” complained Grunt, “after the mess they made of Epstein. Ligature marks at the wrong angle? Three minutes missing from the security camera footage? It’s amateur hour. You’d think they’ve never done this before.”
image from pixabay
