• Home

  • Podcast

  • Captions

  • Writers' Room

  • All News

  • Writer of the Month

  • Shop

  • About

  • More

    Use tab to navigate through the menu items.

    NewsBiscuit

    The UK’s original fake news

    • Tumblr
    • YouTube
    • Spotify
    • LinkedIn
    • Instagram
    • flipboard-3628186-3031006
    • Amazon
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • RSS
    Logo4_edited_edited.png
    • All Posts
    • Front Page
    • News in Brief
    • Headlines
    • Features
    • From the Archive
    • Caption Competition
    • Cartoons
    • Politics
    • Sport/Entertainment
    • Lifestyle
    • Science/Business
    • Local News
    Search
    • saraht
      • Jun 7
      • 2 min read

    Trifle Bowls Horrified At Being Returned To The Back Of The Cupboard



    Glass trifle bowls were delighted last month at being retrieved from the darkest recesses of the kitchen and given a good soaping with Fairy Liquid or having the new experience of a go in a dishwasher, this not having been a thing when they were last used in the early 1980s. Freed from spending their time in the dark next to the once used burger press and the pasta machine they took a look about the kitchens they found themselves in and marvelled at the largeness of fridges. What, they asked themselves, is quinoa? And brioche?


    The trifle bowls were expecting to be swiftly filled with the contents of a Bird’s Trifle Kit (available in strawberry or raspberry and it takes a very refined palate to tell the difference between the red flavours), with the potential addition of some fruit cocktail if the occasion was fancy. Instead they found themselves filled with lemon Swiss roll, unfamiliar amaretti biscuits, lemon jelly, orange compote (what is a compote? They wondered), real custard, actual whipped cream and white chocolate bark. They were also surprised to be very much the centre of attention, with trifle makers competitively claiming to have spent many hours assembling them (absolutely not necessary with the Bird’s Trifle Kit). This led trifle bowls across the nation to conclude that trifle is back on the menu and to expect to appear every Sunday, like in their glory days.


    Then this morning, with the platinum jubilee being over and the trifle-mania ended, the clear pudding containers were horrified at being wiped round with a commemorative tea towel and pushed to the back of the cupboard again. They sighed and felt sure that the existence of the Bird’s Chocolate Trifle Kit had been overlooked by their owners.


    image from pixabay

    • Front Page
    108 views0 comments
    • Lockjaw
      • Jun 6
      • 0 min read

    Intern ruins Buck House filming



    • Cartoons
    42 views0 comments
    • apepper
      • Jun 4
      • 1 min read

    Jubilee beacons "mistake" as 5000 Rohirrim arrive over horizon

    Updated: Jun 5



    Palace officials have admitted that lighting Jubilee beacons across the country has been misinterpreted by the horse people of Rohan as a cry for help and 5000 heavily armed Rohirrim - horse riding warriors - have arrived to drive away hordes of Orcs from the dark kingdom of Mordor. Instead, they ended up dispersing a crowd of pensioners from Bangor and clashing with law enforcement officers.


    Acting Met chief, Paul Stephenson, played down the event. "It's simply a slightly high spirited reaction to the beacons. Anyone seen my head anywhere?"


    Banner Great Britain British - Free photo on Pixabay

    • News in Brief
    • •
    • Lifestyle
    447 views0 comments
    1
    234

    Back to Top

    Subscribe for updates

    Thanks for submitting!

    • Home
    • Podcast
    • Captions
    • Writers' Room
    • All News
    • Writer of the Month
    • Shop
    • About
    • flipboard-3628186-3031006
    • RSS
    • Amazon
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Tumblr
    • YouTube
    • Spotify
    • LinkedIn
    • Instagram

    NewsBiscuit on Flipboard

    © 2023 NewsBiscuit