- Lockjaw
- Jun 6, 2022
top of page
Search
Updated: Jun 5, 2022
Palace officials have admitted that lighting Jubilee beacons across the country has been misinterpreted by the horse people of Rohan as a cry for help and 5000 heavily armed Rohirrim - horse riding warriors - have arrived to drive away hordes of Orcs from the dark kingdom of Mordor. Instead, they ended up dispersing a crowd of pensioners from Bangor and clashing with law enforcement officers.
Acting Met chief, Paul Stephenson, played down the event. "It's simply a slightly high spirited reaction to the beacons. Anyone seen my head anywhere?"
Updated: Jun 5, 2022
Craig and Marie Porter spoke with our roving reporter as they sat in the park with their three children. "Happily, it's a nice warm day, so we are sitting out in the sun. We've hung most of our clothes up on that tree to see if the breeze takes away some of the pong. What with us not being able to run the washing machine.
"We'll take a walk a bit later and see if we can gatecrash a street party. We're hoping there are lots of nutricious nibbles and not just jelly. There's a chance we can snaffle some stuff to take home and have a feed tomorrow as well". Meanwhile, at Westminster Abbey a lot of posh tw*ts swanked about in bespoke outfits before going off to dine on gourmet quality food.
What do you mean this isn't funny. I know!
bottom of page