Stonehenge returned to bronze age

Although it is unclear what the fault is, a Neolithic circle known as Stonehenge has been returned to the Bronze Age. This leaves the only remaining ancient artefact in our time which is five thousand years old and artificially tangerine as the next president of America.

The whirl of rocks had geologists in a spin when it developed a rusty coat. Cyril Benson, a metallurgist from Salisbury spiralled confusion by adding, 'I don't know who could love Wiltshire so much to give it a 24 carrot ring.'

Since the unexplained turn of events, lights on the A303 have mysteriously remained at amber. Oddly, this has improved traffic conditions in the area. Residents are less optimistic about the future, however. Sheila Kemp said, 'You won't believe how jammed it gets round here at the mere mention of crap circles.'

Some have speculated that a group calling themselves 'Dump the Pump(kin)' might be responsible. All which is known for sure is that shortly before its return, disgruntled Druids renamed the site Tonehenge.

Image: Pixabay/Walterssk

Tonehenge

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Advertising watchdog rules against Just Stop Oil

The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) has upheld 42 complaints about posters used by Just Stop Oil. The ASA ruled that the posters cannot be used in their current form and that changes to the wording are required if they are to be used again.

In their judgement the ASA said that the clear implication of the slogan was that ‘just’ stopping oil is the only action needed to avert disastrous changes to the climate. The wording ‘stop oil’ would have been acceptable, but ‘just stop oil’ was not.

The ASA said that the case for the defence was undermined because Just Stop Oil had also registered trademarks for Just Stop Gas, Just Stop Nuclear, Just Stop Burning Wood and Just Stop Buying Cucumbers Wrapped In Plastic. In this context, the use of the word ‘just’ was clearly untruthful.

A spokesman for Just Stop Oil expressed disappointment. He said, ‘We take our protesting very seriously and have processes in place to ensure compliance - as far as possible - with all relevant laws and guidance. We aim to protest peacefully, but the Establishment is against us. This decision is, ironically, Unjust.

‘We are considering our position and are planning to launch a new campaign called Just Stop The ASA.’

Photo by Juan Fernandez on Unsplash