Debt collectors now calling randomly

Debt collectors, whose work has been publicised by television, admit targeting non-debtors.

A debt collector working for one debt recovery company told us, 'We don't bother trying to get the address right. It's always wrong on the paperwork anyway. So we just pick any old address in the area and turn up on spec.

'Usually people open the front door and I put me foot in, and they can't close it. Then I ask them if they've had any emails or messages asking for payments. That makes them think a bit. They aren't surprised to see us, because most people have had some scam emails, messages or letters demanding payment of debts for all sorts of fake things.

'Thing is, everyone's in debt these days aren't they?

'In the rare case where we do end up taking stuff from people who aren't in debt, they can always take us to court to get the money back. They will need a court order. Then they will need to go to a debt collection agency. It sometimes comes to me as a job, isn't that a laugh? Obviously I don't do our own place, I just get the address a bit wrong and do some plebs who probably have debts too. The client gets their money, so what's the problem?

'But, taking us to court will take ages and be very expensive, so they're better off just forgetting about it. Best just get more stuff on Amazon on the never-never, and carry on. Happy days!'

Image credit: stable diffusion

The heat is on for David Clammy

Manhunt for asylum seeker nets six suspects who aren't him

A manhunt launched to catch an Ethiopian asylum seeker who escaped from prison has successfully rounded up six suspects who are nothing like him.

"We were told to put the dangerous sex offender on a plane to Addis Ababa," said prison service director Derek Blunder, "but we somehow got the order muddled up and released him with £1,000 pocket money and directions to an agreeable pizza restaurant and the railway station.

"We then put a dragnet over the whole of the UK to catch him - which we didn't, because we're so useless.

"However, we did manage to round up Shergar, Mata Hari, Frida Kahlo, Lord Lucan and Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men.

"We'll be passing them onto the police at Charing Cross station to fit up for random crimes. Then we'll put them in prison for life before releasing them all by mistake, as well."

The Justice Secretary ordered HM Prison Service bosses to lock themselves up for gross incompetence, but they said they had lost the key.

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