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Middle-class parents devastated to learn no one cares what their kids can do


Middle-class couples are said to devastated after finding out that no one but themselves gives two shiny shites about the alleged brilliance of their kids, according to new research.


Professor Alan Redrow told reporters. 'Although proud Myles' and Saras everywhere might be bowled over that little Alicia, aged eight mind, can play every last one of Chopin's etudes, and miss no opportunity to ram this down the throats of dinner party guests, nobody but themselves give a toss.


'This kind of smug self-congratulatory boasting only instils deeply repressed hatred and jealousy as other parents are forced to have to suck it up practically all fucking night.'

Nevertheless, mum of two, Rowena Phipps-Potter, who runs a dress hire business in affluent Chalfont St Peter disagrees vehemently. ‘I simply cannot accept this research as being anything other than totally erroneous. Sasha and Briony, our two darling children, are quite simply amazing. Everyone within our circle of friends says so and never grows tired, when Gyles, my husband, and I, talk about them incessantly.


‘And, if I may just add this. Our end-of-year round-robin letters are eagerly anticipated by absolutely everyone in our set.’


photo: https://pixabay.com/users/allegralouise-715303/

Man breaks world record for owning the most Lynx gift sets




A Newport Pagnell man has entered the record books after receiving yet another Lynx gift set. Gary Jackson, 48, has been receiving at least a dozen of them every Christmas, birthday, his Bar Mitzvah (and he's not even Jewish), and sometimes at Easter and Eid al Fitr since its introduction in 1985.


"It all started at Christmas when I was 11. I was quite thrilled when I opened the packaging from my Auntie Sharon. It was the first time I'd been given any grooming products. I felt like a grown up. It was a Lynx Spice gift set containing a deodorant, a body spray and a shower gel. I tried the body spray straight away, and after my eyes stopped watering, it was quite a pleasant smell. I told her it was just what I wanted. Now those words haunt me - I was trying to be polite."


Fast forward thirty-six years, and Gary's unimaginative friends and relations are still gifting him the same go-to thing on every occasion. His parents even still buy Gary a Lynx gift set from their dog. "I used to like that dog, too," a morose Gary told us.


Gary has even rented a storage unit to store them all. "I can't escape from it. I tried to donate some to the tombola stall at the local school's Christmas Fayre, and my kids won them all back. Why can't they buy me socks or a tie like normal people?"




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