Starmer to suck up to King by building towns he designed

"The PM ambled around some village he'd never heard of in Cornwall last week with Charles by his side, and now he says he wants a dozen towns built according to his designs," a Labour party chatbot told reporters.

"I'm not sure why Keir's being such an embarrassing suck-up about this," the bot continued. "He's already got a knighthood. Maybe he wants a peerage. Or perhaps he wants to be invited to a few more banquets at Windsor Castle. Who knows?"

"Labour's embarrassed? We're embarrassed!" said a Palace spokes-flunkey. "Attlee, Wilson, Starmer... they all start off as young firebrand socialists who want to rip down the monarchy and set up a workers' republic.

"Then they set one foot inside Buck House and turn into utter creeps.

"Anyway, the king doesn't design towns. He's too dim for that. His real talent is wandering around Britain peering at pieces of modern architecture with a pained expression on his face and saying 'it really is appalling'.

"Keir is warning Labour local councillors that if they try any funny business like refusing planning permission for the new royal towns, he'll have them deselected, Diane Abbott-style," said the party chatbot.

"And to be extra creepy to Charles, he might also have them prosecuted for treason."

Image: Pixabay/paulbloch

King's Speech likely to be watched by up to four people

The BBC has announced that they fully expect up to four people will watch the King's Speech this year, two up on last Christmas.  'It's a fine use of taxpayers' money,' claimed a spokesperson.  The money spent on recording and broadcasting the speech is thought to be less than a sausage finger's worth of a Royal statue, the cost of which has increased dramatically in recent years.

'We will repeat it several times and will naturally fill the news bulletins with the highlights, for the sixty million or so people too disinterested or, frankly, pissed to watch' said the spokesman.

The King's Speech will be broadcast on BBC1, ITV and, for smug bastards with money to waste, on Sky at 3pm if anyone wants a reason to pop down the shed, open another bottle of brown ale or extricate themselves away from building a Millennium Falcon in Lego in front of the telly, especially when they realise seven critical pieces were lost to the Hoover at the ten am emergency vacuum of the living room.

For balance, the BBC has pointed out there is other shit on the other channels.  Or you could just resume the family argument.

Image: Pexels - Pixabay

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