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We didn't start the liar



Brexit, covid, lockdown way too late

Parliament prorogued, then partygate

Cummings drives to Durham

Contracts given to chums

Hancock, mancock, competent not

Cobra missed, Downing street pissed

Ethics going, going, gone


We didn’t start the liar

He was always lying, as the planet’s dying

We didn’t start the liar

We don’t deserve it, so we’re going to fight it


Northern Ireland protocol screwed

EU can go to hell

Downing Street, gold wallpaper

Pincher by name and nature

Pandering to Russian donors

Undertaking extra-marital boners

Cop 26 just a cop out


We didn’t start the liar

He was always lying, as the planet’s dying

We didn’t start the liar

We don’t deserve it, so we’re going to fight it




First published 23 Jul 2022


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Royal Mail to charge Graham Brady per letter delivered


In a pre-emptive move, Royal Mail has announced that it will be charging on a 'per letter' basis for delivery of post to the address of Graham Brady, chair of the Conservative 1922 Committee for the next few days.


'We have suffered some tough economic conditions over recent months,' said a spokesperson for the Royal Mail, 'and this is just too good an opportunity to miss. We are expecting a big rise in post to Mr Brady over the next couple of days, and we could turn the fortunes our company round by moving to a simple piece rate charging system.


'We need to cover our costs too,' continued the spokesperson. 'We lost 2 posties to chronic back pain back in April, after having to deliver sack loads of no confidence letters to the PM to Sir Graham.


'This time round, we're investing a couple of big ship container crates to hold all the likely letters, and we'll schedule for twice-daily deliveries to try and keep on top of things.' continued the source.


In a goodwill gesture, the Royal Mail has offered a 50% discount to the PM himself for forwarding of his mail from Number 10 to to any new address he might happen to move to over the coming months.


photo: https://pixabay.com/users/no-longer-here-19203/


Dear Aunty Newsbiscuit

Updated: Jul 7, 2022


Dear Aunty NewsBiscuit,


I am a prime minister of what was once a globally respected nation (although I hope you'll understand when I say I'd rather remain anonymous for now). We were perceived as the cradle of democracy and a shining beacon of truth and justice everywhere.


But the thing is, I'm now rather fed up with being seen as a compulsive liar, a risible moron and a bumbling buffoon by virtually everyone on the planet. Many are suggesting that under my tenure, the country's reputation has been absolutely trashed into the dirt. Indeed it is my understanding that even amoeba actually hold this somewhat low opinion of me too.


But, you know, it gets a chap down when he's trying his level best to do right by the country. It's as if I am not appreciated at all. So okay, chaps tell me stuff, but what with one thing and another, pressures of not being found out and so on, I go and forget what it was they told me. I mean I'm only human. Selective memory recall affects most from time to time, although I would concede fewer every single time.


But anyway, my question is this. Do you think it might help were I to smarten myself up a bit, get a new haircut, stop being a feckless oaf and perhaps begin to tell the truth once in a while?


Regards Horace Jobson


Ha Ha! (with such a clever alias you'll never know who I am)

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