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A close associate of convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein has been talking about his amazing memory.


She claims that Epstein had a photographic memory and never, for example, made a shopping list. ‘He’d remember everything. If he needed 101 things from the supermarket, he’d remember them all and wouldn’t forget a single thing. It was amazing.


‘He didn’t have an address book, because he could remember all the names and all the addresses, He’d do the Christmas cards himself, by hand, addressing all the envelopes from memory, without hesitation. He could remember all his friends’ birthdays and their anniversaries. And he’d remember the birthdays of all their kids, and how old they were. Jeffrey never forgot an eighteenth birthday.


‘His astonishing memory meant that he didn’t need to keep any contacts in his mobile phone. You could give him any name, and he’d just dial their number from memory. It was his party trick. He’d borrow someone’s phone and dial a number from memory – Donald Trump, Prince Andrew, whoever. The girls all loved it when he did that.


‘The news coverage about the so-called Epstein List makes me laugh. He would never have had a list. He would never have needed one. Never in a million years. He remembered it all in his head. No address book, no phone contacts – of course not!  He didn’t even keep his call history – he said that would be cheating.  He thought people would doubt his unbelievable memory if he kept any kind of records, so he didn’t.


‘So when Ghislaine Maxwell says that there was no Epstein List, I’m thinking ‘damn right there’s no list’.  Jeffery should have left his brain to science. Then the boffins could have worked out what made him so special.‘




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It’s easy to run into debt, but you have to crawl out.


There’s no problem drinking like a fish, so long as you drink what fish drink.


My wife and I had absolutely nothing when we got started, and we’ve got most of it left.


The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult is was.


A fairy tale is a horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.


A fool and his money are soon partying.


Ever notice, when finally you’ve got to a position where you’re holding all the cards, that everybody else is playing chess?


Who cares if the world is full of apathetic people?


Strive for adequate, settle for mediocre


If it is worth doing, someone else will eventually do it


Many a mickle makes too many mickles


He who laughs last misses the next gag


Out of the frying pan,five second rule


Hat tips to FlashArry and Deskpilot





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The miracle weight loss pill, adopted by ordinary people as well as presenters on The View, has been credited with obliterating millions of tons of human fat since it hit the market this year. But the glories of feeling lighter for tens of thousands of people unable to afford the waiting time for gastric band surgery on the NHS have come at a cost. Side effects now include articles about the side effects.


'Every day for the last month,' reveals Spicer Kane, media analyst at Grange&Sh$w Anallipticals, there has been at least one new article about the side effects of taking Ozempic. 'This has led to an overall increase in anxiety about taking the drug and discouraged many more who would have taken it from doing so. As a result, these people are binge-eating to mask their fears.' In other words, Ozempic is causing a huge rise in obesity.


'For every weird-faced celeb in the Daily Mail boasting about being able to see their genitals for the first time, there are at least several people in Aldi stocking up on refined sugar baps. They read the articles about the side effects and reach for processed donut batter.' Side effects of taking the drug include no breakfast-induced hind shaking, dizziness at bus stops, and nearer proximity to death.


Newspapers up and down the land are taking apparent daily glee in covering Ozempic's side effects. Just yesterday, the Express reported on a man in Canterbury whose constipation caused him to yell 'shit!' during an opera, while the Mirror related the story of a woman whose kidney thought it was her heart and started drawing blood from her veins. Even the Telegraph, which for years ignored health and wellbeing stories as beneath its readership's higher interest, has a whole new section entitled, Ozempic Side Effects, with sub sections for Asia, Europe, the Americas, Ukraine, and Women.


Ozempic claim that the side effects of taking their product are being exaggerated by a food industry intent on the enfattification of mankind, 'especially Greggs.' 'If the articles do not cease', warned a company spokesperson, 'we will take steps to further research the product and decrease the number of known side effects, a result which could harm its takers' sense of the gains possible from embarking on a serious risk, thus decreasing the number of users and leading to an increase in obesity.'


Image: WixAI

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