'No 10 North' revealed to be Wallace and Gromit’s house

The much vaunted 'No 10 North', from which likely Prime Minister Andy Burnham hopes to rebalance power across the country, turns out to be the familiar house lived in by the beloved characters Wallace and Gromit.

Every morning, Burnham will be tipped out of bed and straight into his clothes, while his Deputy Prime Minister puts the kettle on and activates the “toastomatic” for their breakfast.

Burnham will then leave the house in a van painted with the slogan 'Power devolved to regional assemblies - no job too big or too small', accompanied by the Deputy PM on a motorbike with sidecar.

Sources indicate that the deputy, while never actually getting to speak, is by far the smarter of the two, and gets Burnham out of all sorts of ambushes set by his enemies.

Chief among these is an evil penguin recently elected leader of the Conservative Party, which still seems a better decision than Liz Truss.

Image credit: ChatGPT

I won't mouse for anyone but Keir, vows Larry

Downing Street mouser Larry the Cat has put his paw down over who occupies Number 10, saying that if Keir goes, he goes too.

"There've been almost as many Prime Ministers through this door recently as I've got lives," muttered Larry, sitting on the front step, discontentedly licking his rear end.

"Boris was the worst to mouse for. He and Charles Moore would just hurl them through the gates at the plebs passing by on Whitehall.

"'Go on, you vermin!' they'd bray. "Have some vermin for your dinner!'

"Liz Truss would swallow my mice whole, dozens at a time, like oysters. No class, that woman... and certifiably insane.

"Rishi would douse his with cumin, turmeric, chilli powder and fenugreek. Yikes! I ate some of the scraps and I was in the cat litter for one week solid.

"But Keir's my sort. For two years he's eaten my mice plain as God intended, every night, with boiled rice and vanilla ice cream for afters.

"God knows what the next PM's going to be like," mewed Larry with a shudder.

At press time, socialist firebrand and possible leadership contender Angela Rayner was parading outside Number Ten with a placard reading: "No mogs! No Starmers!"

Image from Gemini Google

Hat tip to Lucifer

Labour party aims to best the Tories

 Labour Party activists are excited by the chance to put one over on the Tories.

0ne insider told us, 'When the Tories sacked Theresa May, they set in motion a downward doom spiral from which they never recovered. Boris, partygate, internal divisions, scandal, defections, Liz Lettuce, Kwazy Kwasi and then Rishi got the hospital pass and finally a massive election wipe out.'

'Labour is at the top of that ski slope. If we can push out Keir, then we can ignore the national interest and just rip the party to pieces. Andy Burnham! Angela Rayner! Lucy Powell! Anas Sarwar! It'll be brutal. No-one will come out alive. It'll be so much better than sorting out railways or hospitals or benefit or housing. Finally, some real political drama. I'm so excited. I can't wait. We're going to make the Tories look like rank amateurs at self-destructive in-fighting and civil war!'

image from pixabay