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Massive search underway after last piece of Liz Truss’s credibility ‘goes out of window’



A huge police search was under way for Liz Truss’s credibility after the final piece of it was said to have gone out of the window at PMQs.


‘She only had a very tiny bit of credibility in the first place’ said a spokesperson for the Met Police ‘and this was kept constantly guarded under lock and key inside Number 10 by our trusty, highly respected officers’.


‘Unfortunately, even this miniscule remaining amount has now somehow managed to escape - with someone so incompetent like Truss this sort of thing can occasionally happen, continued the spokesperson.'


‘We were all busy watching Truss flounder as Keir Starmer did his stand-up routine at Prime Ministers Questions and as Truss said, 'I'm a fighter not a quitter', the last piece of her credibility must have taken the chance to leg it out of the number 10 window.


‘We want to reassure the public though that having a bit of her credibility on the loose isn’t dangerous’, said the spokesperson. ‘You won’t be able to see it with the naked eye, as it is really very small. And it has a very short half-life – we know this as it has deteriorated incredibly rapidly even over the last few days.’


The news comes on the back of a number of other high-profile losses in recent months, including Boris Johnson's integrity and any semblance of government competence.





First published 20 Oct 2021

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Conservatives to offer internships as Prime Minister


'We got the idea from "Have I Got News For You?" ' said a spokesman. 'When Angus Deayton had to leave because of the, erm, cocaine allegations, they brought in guest presenters. We’ve been doing the same with our Prime Ministers.'


The Conservative Party’s plan is to allow the children of wealthy donors to each do a week as "Intern PM" .


'Oh, they’d run the country, much as Liz is doing now,' said the spokesman. 'It will look good on their CVs and the chances are the pound might rally a bit.'


Keir Starmer described the idea as ‘interesting’ and asked if there would be an age limit.



First published 9 Oct 2022


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'We need to let Truss have a go and see how she does' agrees never in better shape environment



The general consensus is that Prime Minister Liz Truss - stop giggling at the back - should be allowed the time and the latitude to see how she does. There is simply no way to tell how someone will do in a senior role by examining how badly they performed in more junior roles. That's not a thing.


Pilots are always allowed to take control of passenger jetliners having crashed both training prop planes and somehow broken the simulator. You never know, they might get their third landing right. Or at least have a PR team explain why the cabin is a bit flamey, and insist that screaming and dying is perfectly normal on any flight.


She has clearly proven herself at the Environment Office, because our brown and pleasant land has never been in better shape. And since her time at the Foreign Office, other countries have earned a new respect for Britain which has manifested in unprecedented levels of pointing and laughing.


The Crown Prosecution Service are not all on indefinite strike due to extreme under-funding, they're out to give a warm welcome to their brilliant former Justice Secretary. And it is only because of her magnificent work in both International Trade and as Chief Secretary to the Treasury that the national economy is healthy and everyone is so well-off.


Anyway, by far the best thing to do is to install a prime minister who her own MPs generally don't want, who isn't Conservative voters' top choice, who voted against the Brexit she's now all for, who started her political career with another party, and who follows the fashion of forgetting their own name. Isn't that right, Mary Truss?




First published 9 Sep 2022


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