top of page


Fresh from pulling an advert featuring a cake that could be seen to promote "unhealthy" foods, TfL has announced that a new puritanical policy will be applied to the posters featured on trains, buses and stations within the system.


Gone are images of foreign travel and windswept beaches, sunny uplands and rural idylls : any image that can detract from this most perfect of all worlds and lead to flights of fanciful thoughts of freedom - and loss of productivity.


Gone are images of barely clothed models and sun-tanned torsos, and with it the distraction of engorgements and flushings that can befuddle the mind and lead to strange and unprofitable thoughts and actions.


Gone are the posters describing 'entertainments' and 'dalliances' that offer some short-lived respite from the mind-numbing tedium of underclass existence, which should always be directed at improving the lot of our lords, masters and betters.


With this new policy, TfL will ensure that any journey on their network - however short - should be a grim, dour , drudge of an experience, designed to stamp out any spark of joy and shred any tattered remnants of humanity .


TfL denied this was a change in operations, just a formalisation.



Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here.



First published 13 Jul 2023


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?

















"We were going to carry out massive strikes across the London Underground network, like you'd never believe," messaged Donald Trump on his social media platform Deceit Hostile.


"We were going to use bunker busting bombs on the Bakerloo line and knock it right back to the Stone Age.


"But my generals took one look at the intelligence images of Embankment station and told me it's pretty much in the Stone Age as it is.


"So we'll be holding talks with the unions about enrichment. I'll be telling my minion Starmer to enrich the train drivers as much as they like, with the passengers paying the cost through higher fares. That's always worked in the past.


"People are also saying to me: 'Sir, will you manage to re-open the Strait of Hainault to allow transit through to Theydon Bois and Barking?'


"We'll see, but why not? This whole venture of mine in the Middle East End of London has been totally barking, anyway."


image from Grok

bottom of page