Trump calls off Tube strikes at last minute

"We were going to carry out massive strikes across the London Underground network, like you'd never believe," messaged Donald Trump on his social media platform Deceit Hostile.

"We were going to use bunker busting bombs on the Bakerloo line and knock it right back to the Stone Age.

"But my generals took one look at the intelligence images of Embankment station and told me it's pretty much in the Stone Age as it is.

"So we'll be holding talks with the unions about enrichment. I'll be telling my minion Starmer to enrich the train drivers as much as they like, with the passengers paying the cost through higher fares. That's always worked in the past.

"People are also saying to me: 'Sir, will you manage to re-open the Strait of Hainault to allow transit through to Theydon Bois and Barking?'

"We'll see, but why not? This whole venture of mine in the Middle East End of London has been totally barking, anyway."

image from Grok