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Cheeky Italian Red now also a weather warning

Updated: Jul 22, 2023


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Italy is currently hotter than a ghost chilli lasagne at a bunga bunga party in the fires of Mount Etna. According to many British newspapers, the extremely high temperatures throughout Italy have ‘blown the bloody doors off’ and forced young attractive women to wear skimpy outfits and temporarily get off their scooters to frolic in a fountain with their equally attractive friends.


One Italian stereotype said 'Mamma mia, we need to make this weather an offer it can’t refuse. It’s a spicy meataballa'. He gestured theatrically at an imaginary referee.


Some in the Vatican have perceived the hellish temperatures as a nudge in the ribs from God, but as a screaming child ran in the opposite direction, a sweaty priest denied this. ‘What has the Catholic Church got to feel guilty about?’




Failure to register mafia interest was an honest mistake, says PM


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The Prime Minister has brushed off accusations that he failed to register shares in a concrete mixing car wash casino. The PM said the omission was an honest mistake, adding that he was fairly certain his accountant, Luigi ‘The Accountant’ Caponioni, would not be making the same mistake again.


A revised list of ministerial interests shows a reference to a number of direct shareholdings, including a second-hand furniture shop near Grimsby town centre. The shop is closed but has an estimated annual turnover of £650 million. It is part owned by his wife, Donna Vito Corleone Sunak.


A spokesperson for the Prime Minister said: ‘The PM made an honest mistake but has apologised and set the record straight. He is totally legit. Furthermore, I would advise you to check under your car before putting your key in the ignition.’


Mr Sunak’s accountant was not available for comment.



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