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More Epstein files released to distract from Iran


President Donald Trump is set to release a new tranche of documents from the Epstein files this week to distract the public from the war in Iran, which he initially started to distract the public from the Epstein files.


Despite their incriminating nature, including one image allegedly showing the President floating in Epstein's pool on an inflatable banana, it's hoped the latest release will bump the Middle Eastern blunders off the front pages, at least for a few days.


Speaking from Washington, Democratic senator Cory Booker was far from impressed: 'these looping distractions serve no purpose other than causing mass confusion amongst his loyal MAGA base, which is exactly what he wants.'


But not everyone on the right agrees, as local MAGA member Tyler Burke explained:


'It's the Democrats and the libtards who are confused, not us.


'I, for one, stand behind the bombing of the Epstein Islands to force the Islamic Republic of Venezuela to release the Iranian Files, or whatever it is that's happening.'



Image credit: Wix AI

Trump to cap the price of eggs


The US President is finally spending some time on domestic issues, aiming to placate his MAGA base, who are concerned about living costs.


After shocking bankers by capping credit card interest, the President has moved on to other cost of living issues.


The latest initiative is to cap prices on things that MAGA supporters regard as essentials.  This includes eggs, which Trump voters prefer scrambled.  The price of eggs will be capped at five dollars a dozen, which will make egg production in the US uneconomic.  Importing eggs is not an option as they are subject to tariffs of10%4%22%50%200%33% at the time of writing.  However, if you can actually find any to buy, then they will be a bargain.


Donald Trump is also expected to sign Executive Orders to cap the prices of Big Macs, bullets, rifles, baseball caps (excepting those with political slogans), bumper stickers, all clothes larger than 2XL, pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce, Jello, golf clubs, peanut butter, fake tan, Cheetos, American flags, American (but not Mexican) beers, after-sun cream (soothes red necks), blueberry muffins, Dr. Pepper, jogging pants, pretzels, pop-tarts, cable TV, pick-up trucks, Twinkies, microwaveable cheese, weight-loss drugs, lottery tickets, and barbed wire.


Economists are shaking their heads sadly, but are also looking forward to tucking in to some cheap chow. They predict that these price controls could reduce US inflation to around 1%, although the collateral damage could be the closure of thousands of American businesses and the loss of up to a million jobs.  Donald Trump has welcomed these predictions, describing them as ‘a price worth paying.'




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