Man City lead Premiership on hearings

Despite being only six games into the season, Man City have opened up an impressive gap between themselves and the other cheats. Even on court cases, for and against, Man City are set to win the league...and then get relegated four divisions, for breaking fair-play rules.

Using their formation of three at the back and eight in tax havens, the team have outplayed everyone when it comes to being sketchy. Their fluid grasp of accountancy and free-flowing use of bungs, has mesmerised HMRC.

115 hearings ahead, Man City are guaranteed to get into Europe via a Swiss bank account, and then on to the Cayman Islands. The Premiership warned: 'The only penalties awarded this season will be financial.'

Picture credit: Wix AI

4th title in a row earns Man City automatic promotion to Truro Girls' Brigade League (South)

'TGBL (South) is the toughest league in the world, and I don't know how we're going to cope,' said Pep Guardiola, manager of Manchester City and touchline water bottle destroying mechanism. 'Phil Foden is training 14 hours a day to learn the new double pivot system and we've already got De Bruyne on a special whelk only diet.

'The modern Girls' Brigade game has moved on to a level where you need a triple rotation system, and a tight defence unit of lawyers who can stave off 115 accusations of Financial Fair Play misconduct.

'And these girls are tough, and I mean real tough. We're going to need some sort of protection for Grealish, otherwise they'll have his legs on doner kebab spits for breakfast.

'I will of course continue my high level coaching style which is largely based on ranting at fourth officials when I disagree with refereeing decisions, because that always works.

'But to avoid the humiliation of automatic relegation back to the Premiership, we're going to have to attract top new talent from far and wide. Our scouts are currently working flat out tapping up star players in Bissoe and Frogpool. But we just don't have the glamour to lure them to the Sky Blues. We have celebrity support from Noel Gallagher, but they've got Hissing Sid the banjo mangler.'

Image: Girls Females Players - Free photo on Pixabay - Pixabay

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