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Tucker Carlson announces engagement to 92-year-old tycoon



A former Fox News host has proudly shown off an Asscher-cut diamond solitaire ring to reporters after a billionaire media tycoon ‘popped the question’ on the steps of Capitol Hill. The blushing host told reporters:


‘My beau is very traditional. He insists I give up my day job.’


Tucker’s intended has been married thirty-seven times before, mostly to troublesome employees who he relocates to Australia before dumping them. Tucker, who was previously married to Donald Trump, becomes step-mother to forty seven children.



Marriage saved by turning mobile brightness to max



Glen (37) and Diya (38) attribute their continued love to suddenly seeing their browsers in vivid detail and not having to squint so much. Diya claimed: 'It was as if the scales had fallen from my eyes. Everything seemed positive, achievable, even Brexit.'


'I know you're told not to do it, but I just thought, what the hell? Marriage counselling had failed, so why not turn things up to max, make things brighter. And you know what? I begin to see Glen in a whole new light - at least 5% brighter.'


Mobile phones have explicit warnings that increasing luminosity will result in instant death and the collapse of civilisation or, at the very least, a significant drain on your battery. Diya gushed: 'In life we just need to give 100%...oh, um...my phone just went dead.'



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