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NHS to use laughter as the next best medicine



Laugh yourself healthy.


An absence of funding, preparation, foresight, and Oxford commas has led to a severe shortage of medicine stocks within the NHS. The Health Secretary and grannyslayer Steve Barclay has urged healthcare professionals to bring in Christmas cracker jokes early and use them as cures for everything from herpes to severed spines.


'We don't know how many have died not laughing,' said Dr Sherman Heritage from the Surrey Healthcare and Impalas Trust, 'but we played a Christmas special of Mrs Brown's Boys in the ICU and that opened up 14 much needed beds immediately.'


A government deal with the TV channel Comedy Central has been described as NHS privatisation by stealth. This is, however, not the case at all as the government is far too incompetent and leaky to conduct anything stealthily.


[Hat tip to modelmaker]




First published 12 Dec 2022


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TitusScam Homeopathic Wellfullness Tablets


These are supplied - eventually - probably, and at additional cost - in the form of an empty box which used to contain the tablets.  However they are about to be superseded by a mega-powerful new treatment, which we can prove is definitely even more effective because it's far more expensive.  This consists of an empty box which used to contain tablets made from the boxes which used to contain early versions of the homeopathic wellfullness tablets.


Our researchers (who are homeopathic scientists, i.e., people who know someone who know someone else whose great-grandfather's next-door neighbour's milkman's brother-in-law always wanted to be a scientist) are now working on an exciting, top-secret new development.  This will involve the boxes which used to contain tablets only taken by people who always steadfastly refused to accept any form of vaccination - the ultimate, vaccine resistant homeopathic wellfullness treatment.


This has been highly recommended by US Health Secretary Kennedy and is expected to be endorsed by President Trump - provided there is no risk that any qualified person who has the faintest idea what they are talking about might possibly ever describe all this as anything other than a complete load of bollosck.



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