Disney greenlights new film - Lady and the Trump

Disney announced today it had given the go-ahead to a new film, Lady and the Trump.

The film tells the story of a nice, well brought up young lady from Slovenia, in what was then Yugoslavia, who moves to New York and falls in with some rougher types.

Chief among these is a scruffy, streetwise urchin known as “the Trump”, who gets by on nothing but his own wits and the billions his dad left him.

Soon, she needs a Green Card… sorry, I mean they fall in love, and she accepts his proposal of marriage. This leads to some excruciating photo ops in which she seems to have nothing but indifference and contempt for him.

A famous scene shows them both eating the same strand of spaghetti, only for her to find he’s no longer at the other end because he’s off banging a porn star.

Still, at least his money makes it easier to silence journalists who would otherwise write about how the model agency she once worked for was known for “lending” its models to rich clients for the weekend.

Melania rounded up by ICE agents

In a surprise move, ICE agents have raided President Trump’s compound in Mar-a-Lago and led away his third wife Melania in handcuffs.

'A common way illegals try to stay in this country is through fake marriages,' explained new ICE recruit Dean Cain, best known for having played Superman on TV in the 90s. 'We’re pretty sure that’s what’s going on here.

'I’ve watched a lot of footage of them together, and I can’t see any evidence they feel anything for each other. It’s nearly as unconvincing as when Teri Hatcher had to pretend to be interested in me.

'We have evidence of numerous affairs on the husband’s part, not to mention his visits to Epstein Island, and God knows what went on there. And by God, I mean the Justice Department, though obviously you didn’t hear that from me - officially there’s not enough evidence to prove anything.'

Melania herself didn’t seem averse to being deported - indeed she surprised agents by having a suitcase already packed. 

'Oh no,' she told them, 'you mean I’ll be sent home and never see him again? And just when my monthly conjugal obligations were coming up. Just my luck.'

'Frankly we’re also interested in the husband,' continued Officer Cain. 'We know his family’s originally from Germany, though at some point they changed their name from Drumpf to put us off the scent. So we’re gonna be looking into…

At this point he was led away by his supervisor, who was then overheard saying to him, 'Come on Cain, it’s just blacks and Hispanics - do I have to spell everything out for you?'

Image credit: perchance.org

A performance of Les Miserables