A couple of round-the-world tourists published a glowing account of their experience of Iran, stating that they were 'having an amazing time'. However, they have now advised readers that there were 'one or two tiny typographical errors in our previous report.'
'Where we spoke of the 'lovely people' and of a 'lovely country', what we actually meant to say was 'The country is a dangerous, corrupt sh!t-hole and the w@nkers who live there are a load of complete c*nts.' We regret any confusion which may have been caused by our earlier lack of clarity.'
Picture credit: Wix AI
Following the brilliant insight that accompanied President Trump’s 5am bowel movement on Sunday, that Middle East tensions could be solved simply by moving Gazans to neighbouring countries, he has now decided that the California wildfires can be tackled the same way.
'It’s a really dumb place to build a city, I would never have built there,” ran the President’s tweet. “No wonder it catches fire all the time, especially with lesbians running the fire department - and not the good looking ones you see in pornos. Sad.'
Under the plan, Californians will simply be moved to Oregon, Nevada and Arizona, though characteristically the governments of those states were neither consulted nor even informed of the plan until they saw it on the news.
However, Trump’s political opponents have questioned whether his aim isn’t really to clear out Hollywood, which he sees as a hotbed of liberalism and home of his natural critics. Fears were prompted by a leaked memo in which Trump, Elon Musk and Steve Bannon discuss what kind of natural disaster could be used as a pretext to demolish the studios of Saturday Night Live.