The Prime Minister has brushed off accusations that he failed to register shares in a concrete mixing car wash casino. The PM said the omission was an honest mistake, adding that he was fairly certain his accountant, Luigi ‘The Accountant’ Caponioni, would not be making the same mistake again.
A revised list of ministerial interests shows a reference to a number of direct shareholdings, including a second-hand furniture shop near Grimsby town centre. The shop is closed but has an estimated annual turnover of £650 million. It is part owned by his wife, Donna Vito Corleone Sunak.
A spokesperson for the Prime Minister said: ‘The PM made an honest mistake but has apologised and set the record straight. He is totally legit. Furthermore, I would advise you to check under your car before putting your key in the ignition.’
Mr Sunak’s accountant was not available for comment.
Updated: Oct 17, 2022
After years of internal conflict, Ron Jenkins of Clacton has finally agreed that Fearne Cotton and Fern Britton aren't the same person.
'It's been quite a journey', said an exhausted looking Mr Jenkins. 'It started when I mentioned in the public bar that Fern Britton was looking good for someone who presented Breakfast TV in the 1980s. A long discussion involving several Google searches ensued and I finally had to admit that there might actually be two people with similar names who did similar jobs.'
With the debate settled, Mr Jenkins is hoping to return to a quiet private life. 'I'm going to be watching the cricket - Jos Buttler's batting, or is it Jonny Bairstow?'