Protesters run away as French police fetchez la vache

There was panic on the streets of Paris today when the French police deployed their ultimate weapon. 'C'est le last resort,' a gendarme explained. 'We have already told the protesters to go and boil their bottoms, blown our noses at them and farted in their general direction but these damn kids won't back down.'

After a last ditch attempt at finding a peaceful solution proved ineffective when the crowd reacted negatively to the police alleging their mothers were small rodents and their fathers smelled like a certain fruit, the cry of 'fetchez la vache' echoed around the quartiers.

As the air was filled with moos and cattle the protesters scattered. However, many were later seen to regroup and begin a counter-offensive by constructing a giant lapin du bois.

www.newsbiscuit.com

Author: Teppic

Image: ChatGPT

Reform candidate stands down after Cleese accusation

A Reform candidate for the Welsh Sennedd elections has stood down after photographs of him throwing a Nazi salute and holding a comb over his top lip emerged.

'At first I was accused of imitating Hitler and I thought 'cool', Nigel will approve,' he said today. He decided imitating Hitler was OK as 'everybody I know does that, plus it didn't do Prince Harry any harm, did it?'

However, it transpires that the media are comparing him to John Cleese. 'That's beyond the pale, even Reform wouldn't accept him,' he said, announcing his resignation from the elections. 'I don't want to tar moderate racists with the Cleese brush,' he explained.

Image credit: deep dream generator

Jake Paul: Come back here and I'll bite your legs off

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