Reform candidate stands down after Cleese accusation

A Reform candidate for the Welsh Sennedd elections has stood down after photographs of him throwing a Nazi salute and holding a comb over his top lip emerged.

'At first I was accused of imitating Hitler and I thought 'cool', Nigel will approve,' he said today. He decided imitating Hitler was OK as 'everybody I know does that, plus it didn't do Prince Harry any harm, did it?'

However, it transpires that the media are comparing him to John Cleese. 'That's beyond the pale, even Reform wouldn't accept him,' he said, announcing his resignation from the elections. 'I don't want to tar moderate racists with the Cleese brush,' he explained.

Image credit: deep dream generator

Jake Paul: Come back here and I'll bite your legs off

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Corbyn’s new party could provide 'limitless source of cheap energy'

Scientists today announced they’ve discovered a way to turn the factional infighting of Jeremy Corbyn and Zarah Sultana’s Your Party into a limitless source of cheap energy.

'The trouble with existing hydrogen-based fission reactors is that you have to put the material under extreme heat and pressure to make it split into its component parts,' explained Dr Bunsen Honeydew. 'So most of the energy you get out, you have to put straight back in to keep the reaction going.

'But this new material, yourpartium, is incredible - you just need a tiny amount and it gets overheated and starts splitting all by itself. In fact, some experiments suggest you just need a single atom of corbynium and one of sultanium, and fission occurs almost immediately.'

Newspaper columnists and cartoonists confirmed they also find the party a limitless source of cheap gags, often referencing the People’s Front of Judea from Monty Python’s 'Life of Brian'.

'However, it does have the same problem fission always does,' Dr Honeydew continued, 'in that it produces a rather toxic waste product - in this case, bitterness. 

'Clearly, we need to find a way of disposing of it safely. One suggestion is to combine it with the former Prince Andrew’s bitterness at losing his titles and status, and dump the whole lot out at sea.'

Image credit: NB archives