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MPs' hypocrisy achieves levels even jets can't reach



In an astonishing display of two-faced political shithousery earlier today, British Parliamentarians gave several standing ovations to a man representing everything they abhor and avoid.


The subject of the applause was President Zelenskiy of Ukraine. He is renowned for his leadership, honesty, self-effacement, steadfast strength of purpose and promotion of the common good among his citizens.


Spectators were utterly bemused why MPs were praising these characteristics. Standard candidate selection procedures usually eliminate anyone showing such fanciful nonsense. Advancement within party hierarchies then requires their replacement by equal quantities of greed, personal wealth, indecision, and a final removal of all morals and conscience.


Why were all these carefully crafted anti-human designs so much in favour of Zelenskiy? Speculation includes that they may hold franchises for dark-green war fatigues. As one MP was heard to mutter while speaking later on the phone to his broker, "Zelenskiy? The vest a man can get."






image from pixabay



First published 12 Feb 2023


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Andy Burnham explains why he hates being Mayor


Andy Burnham resigned in 2017 as MP for Leigh, a constituency of 77,000, in order to be elected as Mayor of Manchester.  His reasons were a) that he hated being an opposition MP where he couldn’t do anything b) I’m bigger than this, and c) the constituency was going to be abolished, which it duly was, in 2024.  Good call, Andy.



Andy was elected Mayor of Manchester in 2017, and re-elected in 2021, and elected for a third time in May 2024, shortly before the General Election that year.  He said that he could ‘get more done’ as a mayor than he could as an MP in Westminster, and that representing 2.1m people was loads better than representing a measly 77,000.



An insider told us, ‘Yeah, Andy didn’t reckon Keir had a chance at the General Election – all that guff about change, but no actual policies - so the mayor’s job was a safe haven.  He knew the patch, most people liked him and didn’t hassle him, and the money was good.  And it was fun to snipe at Keir and the PLP.’


Fast-forward to January 2026, and Andy seems to have decided that he could get more done as a Westminster MP than he could as Mayor of Manchester.  Insiders say that he’s become very tired of negotiating the fault lines between supporters of City and United, and that his inbox was overloaded given the size of his constituency.  Also, being a mayor is a dead end job – not much chance of promotion.  And after eight and a half years he’s done all he’s going to do.


Andy is pitching to be MP for Gorton and Denton because a) that he hated being in a job where he could do anything b) I’m bigger than this, and c) the constituency is a very safe Labour seat with a majority of over 13,000.  Good call, Andy.


An insider told us, ‘Yeah, Andy didn’t reckon Keir had a chance at staying on as PM – all that guff about difficult decisions, all those U-turns, all that embarrassing arse licking with Trump.  Andy’s heart wasn’t really in the mayor’s job any more – no prospects at all.  So, he wants to go back to Westminister, representing 74,000 people this time, because he knows the patch, most people liked him and didn’t hassle him, and the money is good.  Especially if you can get a ministerial post.  And there’s the expenses.  And the second homes.  And so on.  And it’ll still be fun to snipe at Keir and the PLP, and wind everyone up about a leadership election.  Happy days.’


Postscript: Seems like the PLP didn’t get the memo. Never mind Andy. Maybe representing 2.1 million Mancunians is better after all? No point in wasting a safe seat on you. You can show your mettle in 2029 by winning a really difficult seat.  Maybe Clacton?



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