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Do you suffer from cognitive dissonance? A guide.



Does your behaviour contradict your avowed beliefs?

Perhaps you are a PM who declares he believes in integrity but delays taking action to enforce it.

Maybe you are millionaire who became an MP "to serve the people", but are just helping out yourself and your chums. You may have been in charge of the Exchequer but were unable to monitor your own tax affairs. Are some of your actions described as "careless" rather than deliberate?


Despite all available information indicating that you have been economical with the actualité, you have the brass neck to stay in your post? Do you have no shame? Does it appear that honour and principle are concepts outside your moral compass. Welcome to the Conservative Party.



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Have you submitted an incorrect tax return in error? Contact Dodgy Dave's now



Call in at our office above the Fuk Mi Chinese takeaway on Dick Turpin Lane. That's two doors down from Barry's Paper Shredder Boutique.


We have had many rishi rich and influential clients piss pass through our hands over the years. As we hold ourselves to the highest ethical we cannot reveal who they are. Our byword is Omerta. Please make your first payment for a consultation in one of the courtesy brown paper bags near the entrance.


Remember Dodgy Dave's - One Hand Washes the Other.



Image: https://pixabay.com/users/stevebulley-14667970/

Zahawi currently leading in the ‘Who Can Be the Most Tory’ challenge



Nadhim Zahawi has taken a surprise overnight lead in ‘Who Can Be the Most Tory’, an unofficial challenge set to all 354 serving MPs by leader Rishi Sunak, who currently sits in second place.


The Stratford-upon-Avon MP, who served as Chancellor for 14 minutes, pipped ahead of Sunak last night following revelations he’s been avoiding millions of pounds in tax. “Tax avoidance to this degree is worth 20 points in the Tory league table”, clarified a Conservative Party spokesman earlier. “He got 5 bonus points for avoiding tax whilst telling poor people to tighten their belts. That’s some serious Torying right there, he deserved them”, he added.


When approached for comment on his tax affairs, Zahawi said: “I am innocent and have done absolutely nothing wrong”, a statement which earned him an additional 10 Tory points, extending his lead further.


Sunak, who despite some great work chartering a luxury jet to pick up a private prescription for an antibiotic normal people can’t find, currently sits in second. “I need to pull some serious Tory Twattery out of the bag if I’m going to catch Nadhim, he’s on fire”, admitted the PM.


“I may rewrite the road safety laws to avoid paying that £60 seatbelt fine I got last week, that’s worth at least 50 points, surely?” he added


benjani



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