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The launch of Freedom U Love, a new philanthropic trust backed by ex-Chancellor Nadhim Zahawi and ex-chancer Prince Andrew, has been confirmed today.


This follows Prince Andrew's generous - more than generous, some would say - payment of £12 million to a woman he'd never even met, and Zahawi's altruistic donation to HMRC of £3.7 million of tax he didn't owe.


A spokesman for the trust explained, 'Now that the public has seen what open, upright, trustworthy, honourable men these are, they are prepared to commit even more of someone else's time and money to the organisation. The aims of the trust will be to distribute money wherever it has most effect and makes most difference. We plan especially to focus on helping habitual re-offenders and keeping them out of prison. We have seen how destructive a prison environment can be for many inhabitants - look at poor Mr Epstein. We presume lots of Tory Ministers and Tory Prime Ministers will be sentenced to jail in the near future, what with all the crimes they seem to love committing, so this can't come soon enough. The trust will be known as the Prince Andrew Nadhim Zahawi Freedom U Love - or PANZFUL. And it really will have its PANZFUL.'





The ex-Chancellor insisted he was not guilty of dodging millions in tax, but said the money had instead come from the public sector wages. An aide commented: 'If you add up the 10% owed to everyone, it just about covers what Mr. Zahawi spends on horse feed.'


Meanwhile the nurses have been given all of Mr.Zahawi's bills in error. Said one confused nurse: 'I was expecting at least 7%, but all I got was an invoice for a gold-plated swimming pool.'


Mr. Zahawi said he would be giving back the money as soon as he could find the missing millions - among the rest of his loose change.



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