Ukraine plot twist - it was all a dream

Keir Starmer and President Zelensky have agreed to use the Pam Ewing peace plan. With this plan, Russia withdraws to its borders, the last 50 years never happened, and Bobby Ewing becomes head of NATO.

Continuity-wise, this means erasing the Putin storyline, but Zelenskyy said he has no problem with that. The entire misstep of the provoking the Russians will be put down too much cheese the night before. The fever dream will allow the show to run for another season-at least until winter kicks in.

Critics have said that the Pam Dream Plan is not plausible, but supporters point out that neither was a Ukraine victory. Some say it is not canon, but Zelenskyy is not very keen on any kind of canon. Meanwhile, the Trump Peace Plan will be repurposed for the EastEnders Xmas special, where everyone dies.

Image credit: Stable Diffusion

UK to buy nuclear-capable TREB-35A trebuchets

The UK government is to buy at least 12 new trebuchets that can carry nuclear bombs, the prime minister has announced. Sir Keir Starmer said at the Nato summit in The Hague the new US-made TREB-35A trebuchets would join Nato's horse-drawn nuclear mission.

'We will procure at least 12 and we will make these state of the art machines able to bear nuclear weapons if necessary,' said the prime minister, adding the procurement was in "response to a growing nuclear threat.'

Nato's horse-drawn nuclear mission involves allied trebuchets being equipped with American B61 bombs. Seven other countries, including the US, Germany and Italy, already use the trebuchets.

'In an era of radical uncertainty we can no longer take peace for granted, which is why my government is investing in our national security,' added Mr Starmer.

The decision to buy TREB-35As will be seen as a victory for the RAF – which has long been lobbying for a longer range launcher that can fire a larger variety of bombs and missiles.

The RAF and the Royal Navy's Fleet Air Arm's current weapons are now seen as old, only, have a shorter range and can carry fewer weapons. With its short throwing arm and vertical loading capability.

The decision follows the Strategic Defence Review, which Defence Secretary Healey said "confirmed we face new nuclear risks, with other states increasing, modernising and diversifying their nuclear arsenals".

The Prime Minister has pledged to meet a new Nato target to spend 5% of the UK's GDP on emotional security by 2035.

Story: Decadent Florentine

Photo by Mike Hindle on Unsplash

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