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'Hatzolah? I thought it was Hezbollah!' says Netanyahu


Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu apologised today for the destruction of four ambulances in north London.


The ambulances belonged to Hatzolah, a voluntary organisation that provides healthcare services for the local Jewish community. Unfortunately, it’s thought the IDF’s intelligence division confused them with Hezbollah.


Netanyahu has apologised for the mistake, though he also pointed out that by the standards of IDF precision strikes, hitting London instead of Lebanon was relatively accurate.


'Of course we’re shocked and upset,' said a spokesman for north London’s Jewish community. 'Then again, the actions of Israel have always been enormously damaging to diaspora Jews, and it’s never made us reconsider our unthinking support. So I can’t imagine it will now,'


Another spokesman said it was one of the darkest days in recent Jewish history, though it turned out he hadn’t heard about the ambulances, and was talking about Spurs losing 3-0 to Nottingham Forest.



Image credit: Wix AI

Satan confirms Netanyahu not dead


A spokesdevil for the horned one said: "We'd be the first to know if he was down here, because someone would have claimed the sweepstake. That said, it's only a matter of time."


Being the greatest war criminal of the century does mean that Bibi will get a prime spot, somewhere between Attila the Hun and James Corden's agent. He will be fast-tracked to the lowest circle of Hell, normally reserved for the inventors of tethered bottle caps and unskippable ads.


Meanwhile, we will continue to see AI videos where Bibi has six fingers. These are not meant to debunk rumours of his death, but to help sell his new range of multi-thumbed gloves.


One demon complained. "We've got all manner of murderers here, but Netanyahu is going to lower the tone". Asked if he would say the same about Jeffrey Epstein, he looked confused. "That guy's terrible but he's not dead either."



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