Rishi Sunak to invest NHS annual budget at the bookies

Several sources have claimed today that Rishi Sunak is planning to fix the parlous state of UK debt by investing the NHS annual budget at the bookies.

Following a recent spate of high profile political bets - including the billionaire PM himself betting 1000 pounds on deporting vulnerable asylum seekers to Rwanda - senior Tories are said to be pushing for ‘one last throw of the dice’.

Given that the odds of the Tories winning the next General Election are currently 1000-1, several economists close to Rishi Sunak are said to have outlined how even a 1000 pound bet on the forthcoming election could deliver a cool 1 million in winnings!

While some backbenchers have pointed to the poor betting record of recent Conservative governments – such as David Cameron putting everything on red at the Brexit referendum (it came up black) – several Tory ministers are said to be highly enthusiastic:

‘We think investing the entire NHS Budget at the bookies is a genius idea. If we get this right, we can pay off the entire UK debt forever when we win the General Election – and what a great campaign slogan that is!’

Ladbrokes, William Hill and Paddy Power have all been approached for comment.

image from pixabay

writer: jbpage

NHS 'saved' by Physician Associates - receptionists next

A spokesperson for the NHS has explained how Physician Associates (PA), who are well qualified historians, accountants and, bizarrely but occasionally medically related qualified people, are given a two-year training programme in medicine have effectively replaced the need for 'over-trained' junior doctors, who incur several multiples of the training and experience of PAs while incurring huge student debt while earning a significantly smaller entry pay than PAs, stating they (PAs) can revolutionise the NHS.

'No more need for jumped up wannabe House clones, trying to address the differential, and solve the problem in front of them, but a straight-forward approach where someone who presents with backache is referred to a private physiotherapist, or a NHS one if they're prepared to wait eight years (or until the next Labour government).  No need for MRIs, investigations into potential kidney disease or cancer but just common-or-garden backache treatment.  Sure, some might suffer kidney failure or die of cancer, but that's risk-based medicine, right?' said the spokesperson, who apparently receives an income from the private medical industry.

'PAs might be more expensive initially,' added the spokesperson, 'but they haven't the qualifications to reach the consultant grade, which will save the NHS a bundle in the future, which will save in the long run. And help private medicine.'

The spokesperson said that receptionists would be replaced by Receptionist Associates.  These would replace the current medical receptionists who currently triage patients with zero medical experience for just above minimum wage with RAs who have no reading, organisation ability or common sense will replace them.' 

image from pixabay

Doctors to follow Holby City, only Casualty to remain, as art imitates Tory NHS funding

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