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Tory plan to rectify NHS underfunding is more NHS underfunding


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Tory policy wanks have come up with a new solution to 13 years of Tory NHS underfunding, which is 15 more years of Tory NHS underfunding, but now spread out across more staff.


‘It’s wonderful, beautiful even’ said one ‘Nurses will continue to be underpaid and overstretched, but now they’ll be under qualified as well. If we can hire them faster than they leave, there might be slightly more of them though. It’s probably nothing to worry about, because Rishi will be long gone by then, as will this plan. Let’s be honest, the only place the Tories want to see the NHS in 15 years is the history books, because it’s been sold to big American pharmaceutical companies.’

‘What’s the matter? You look a little pale... Nurse? Nurse!’


image from pixabay



Doctor apprenticeships to begin with use of file, marking out and drilling machine


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Government plans to introduce doctor apprenticeships have been explained by a senior trainer at Carshalton Technical College, which will be among the first tranche of further education sites to be running the courses.


Edward Simms (call me Eddie) the senior trainer, was kind enough to postpone a lesson suggesting what questions to students needed to expect in the first year gas fitters exam to tell Newsbiscuit that his college was probably chosen because it handles the training requirements for Kwit Fit for a Tory donor that is anticipating adding GP surgeries to its motor repair branches if sufficient numbers of students sign up to the course.


“The thing is,” said Eddie, “since schools dropped technology in favour of King James Bible studies, we get students like Ethel here, who has twenty nine GCSEs but left school without knowing eff all about the difference between shit and clay, so before we can start teaching kids about how the human body works, how to solder damaged arteries back together and decoke vaginas, they have to learn basic skills like how to use hand tools.


Among the equipment the college has invested in in preparation to run the courses is a microtome for the college canteen, which is thought will be used if any students remain eligible for free school meals.




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