My job has become such a burden
Requiring a lot of exertion
I'm jacking it in
I leave with a grin
It's goodnight from Nicola Sturgeon
First published 16 Feb 2023
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The Prime Minister today announced that he shall be setting off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz, accompanied by Jacob "Tin Man" Rees-Mogg, and Dominic "Scarecrow" Raab, in order to secure help in the Tory Party finding it's way home. This was caused by a terrible storm of back-handers which physically lifted the Tory Party into the air and dropped it in what turned out to be familiar territory. On encountering the Wicked Witch of the Centre-Left, Kier Starmer, in the House of Con-Mens, Boris raised his fists shouting put 'em up, put 'em up, then ran off when Starmer actually did.
Rees-Mogg, famous for his caring attitude to victims of flammable cladding, and Raab, whose grasp of important import-export routes in the UK is the stuff of legend, will accompany Johnson in his quest. They hoped to be cheered on their way by The Back-Benchkins, but will not be joined by Nicola "Dorothy" Sturgeon, renowned for singing "somewhere over in Glasgow". Many of the Back-Benchkins are Friends of Dorothy, but are rather too coy to come out and say so.
They hope to make "much progress, very soon" but have been warned of the difficulties with border checks when trying to enter the home of the Wizard, The Emerald Isle.
First published 19 Nov 2021
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Having given politics a brief whirl and collected the 'Been there, done that, got the tee-shirt' tee shirt, Nicola Sturgeon is now considering ways of furthering her career as a celebrity. Her preferred choices appear to be between Celebrity Dancing, Celebrity Cooking and being a Celebrity Scot.
The other principal option, hanging out on an island somewhere with a bunch of randy teenage knuckle-heads did not appeal to her - 'Too much sunshine! We Scots can't cope with that!'
She has decided to take some time out before launching into her new career as a Top Gear presenter, driving that motorhome.
H/T sirlupus
