Man accepts that he might be AI

Arthur Jenkins (51) has ‘reluctantly’ accepted that he might no longer be real.

‘I haven’t been watching The Matrix or eating cheese before bed or anything like that’, he told reporters. ‘It’s just that deepfakes are getting so good that I genuinely can’t tell the difference. I saw one yesterday, Nigel Farage in a Russian hat counting out handfuls of roubles, but when I sent it to my girlfriend she said it was AI generated, and then she told me that she’s AI generated. I was gutted. Never had a stunner before.'

Arthur’s ‘girlfriend’ turned out to be some lines of code sitting on a server in California. NewsBiscuit asked her for comment, but she wanted our credit card details, and we don’t have one. Are we real?

Reform UK demand vampire ban to ensure British Halloween

Nigel Farage today called for the banning of all vampire and Dracula based imagery and costumes due to the characters Romanian roots.

'We have perfectly fine Great British ghosts, ghouls and witches,' he told journalists, 'why should we be celebrating a foreign character with a history of easily evading customs as a bat as well as creating significant numbers of further vampires demanding British blood.'

Mr Farage also went on to forge links with the Romanian Traveler community and vampiric tradition stating that there may even be encampments of vampires on "our beautiful British village greens" by November 1st.

'There's nothing wrong with a white sheet with eye holes, and I say white without fear of reprimand,' he went on, 'or a good old fashion witch primed and ready for dunking in a local river. Great days.'

We have approached Reform's Head Office for guidance on Zombies, Demons, Mummies and Axe Murderers. Guidance was issued that 'sexy' costumes would remain under close scrutiny.

Photo by Loren Cutler on Unsplash

Jenrick insists, I can be a bigger pillock than Farage

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