Opposition leader, Kemi Badenoch is facing mounting criticism after stating in a recent article in The Spectator magazine that all British schoolchildren should be taught how to deal with the prospect of being hanged for murder.
Badenoch makes the claim that the Conservative Party will reintroduce capital punishment if re-elected; therefore, youngsters should be taught how best to deal with the difficulties they could face during the days between sentencing and the gallows.
'Being hanged, although a wonderfully effective deterrent against unlawful killing, can be a challenging business at the end of the day, so the sooner young people learn how to deal with the prospect, the better, in my view.
'My proposal would see children being taught how best to while away the hours in the condemned cell. Perhaps by learning solitary card games or being taught how to play mournful tunes on the harmonica.
'A guide to making a healthy choice for that last meal could also be included.
'The trouble with the current education in our schools is that far too little attention is paid to life's everyday challenges, like household budgeting, buying a mortgage, and even painting and decorating one of the new homes that my government would give to all newlyweds absolutely free.'
'Facing execution by hanging with good old British fortitude and decorum would therefore be top of my list on any British school curriculum.
'There'll be no shaking like a jelly, screaming for mother or trouser-soiling if I have anything to do with it'
Badenoch's shock proposal comes just a week after Reform Party leader, Nigel Farage, insisted that, under a Reform administration, all foreign nationals entering the country illegally will be strung up from lampposts along the Dover to London road 'like those slaves in Spartacus'.
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Reform leaders are breathing normally again after Richard Tice’s recent intervieworial train crash revealed that the party plans to send millions of pounds to fund the Taliban in exchange for them taking some slightly brown people off our hands.
'Brown is brown', a spokesman might have said. 'Every little helps. We’ll never get back to one of the really good Dulux shades, but every tone lighter is worth a good hundred million'.
The obvious problem with sending millions to the Taliban is that it’s likely to be spent on terrorist training camps, which some observers have suggested might be a Bad Thing. Reform’s solution? Operation Don’t Mention The Taliban – a smorgasbord of nonsense policies to deflect attention from plans to directly fund terrorists from UK taxes. Possibly the silliest such policy is redefining the word 'indefinite' to mean 'until I say so', which has proven popular among lamppost & casual racism afficionados.
The other benefit of Operation Don’t Mention The Taliban is that it deflects attention from Nigel’s £900k house, which was apparently bought – quite normally - with cash his girlfriend saved up from waitressing tips.
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